face my fears without caring what people will think

I have gotten completely over one thing that I was a jealous Monster about.
I’ve come to start and see the truth in things.
I’m starting to become myself, above all.

These lyrics help, a lot.

There’s only us, only tonight. We must let go to learn what’s right. No other course, no other way. No day but today.

I definitely faced one of my fears tonight for a $20 bet.
I was told I would get paid $20 if I got up and sang a song to the Pizza Hut restaurant from start to finish… something I would NEVER normally do.
With the help of two of my best friends (Shanna and Samuel), I sang… we didn’t know all of the words and got waayyy ahead of the actual music, so we only got paid $10, but $10 is $10 and it was worth it.
=)

I have a new video camera.
And I brought it to school.
What a way to draw attention to myself.

And guess what, I didn’t care what people thought most of the time.
I guess it kind of kills two birds with one stone (such a cruel phrase) because one of my fears is that I’m scared of what people think of me.

I’m proud of myself.

It constantly feels as if everyone is staring at me.
I feel like I’m making no progress on feeling better about myself and worrying less. A few of my greatest fears are at arm’s length, however, I’m too paranoid and care too much to simply reach out and grab them.

I don’t know what to do about it. I’ve tried everything.

I have to keep telling myself this, but not because I’m self-obsessed:
“Remember just because you’re attracted to me doesn’t mean others are. I think we tend to forget this when we see someone that we find attractive.” – Rod Barnett.

One fear down. About five more to go.
Last night, I called and talked to someone that I always wished I could be friends with. We talked for two plays of the P!ATD CD.
I honestly don’t care what other people think, yes, I was terribly, terribly afraid to talk to him. Mostly in person, so I called instead. Perhaps, now, I’ll be able to talk to him in person without feeling paranoid.
&I’m honestly thinking about calling him and inviting him to hang out this weekend. I’ll write more on that if it happens.

I’ve faced one of my fears. I met someone new, and wasn’t shy. That actually falls under “expanding my social circle”, too, as she isn’t a girl of the same ‘clique’ as me.
I actually talked to her, without having to be forced to. She is really cool, and didn’t seem to judge me.
Maybe if I do this more often, my paranoia will fade.

From Homecoming night (October 15th):
Not completely, yet, however, last night I danced like no one was watching. And laughed like the world was laughing with me.
Tomorrow will be a different story, of course.