not be bi-polar

:)

i was diagnosed being bi-polar just over a year ago. it’s hard, first youre all happy and giggly then next thing you know youre half dead inside. if you’ve ever read anything on bi-polar, my swings arnt days like typical bipolars, but they average hour to hour. i calm myself by reading, or, i’d hate to admit, hairdrying myself… idk it warms me up and i feel a lil better. all the meds, oh god what a nightmare!.. first ones i took sent made me throw up. seconds ones gave me a extreme headache, 3 ones knocked me out and i couldnt wake up for about a week. now i take lamactil 100mg a day. and it works somewhat. it makes me tired a lot tho. not too fun. if anyone is going through what i am, please leave a comment and i’d be greateful to talk to you. :)

well since todd got back and i found out he cheated i had a lot of fits but now i really am okay i stopped taking my meds but only b/c i hated how they made me feel. I did have a fit 8 days ago only b/c i missed todd and i was drinking and wanted to see him and blah blah blah i broke my hand, but the thing is i don’t remember any of it. anyways i guess i’m okay and i hope it won’t happen anymore

I stopped taking my bi polar meds on my own. things haven’t been pissing me off. but i have noticed that i am more emotional now. I cry more than i ever have. but i think thats good b/c at least now i show my emotions unlike when i was on my meds.

I never really thought me snapping at people and getting annoyed at someones voice was a medical condition. Sometimes i want to scream i get so mad. Others i just want to cry and be alone. I started cutting my arm because of my parents. If I had to Blame anyone it would be them. 30 cuts. each because they said something to start it off. 12 the first time the second 12 more. yesterday i added 6 more. It’s frustrating because i guess really i’ve put my mom and dad threw hell with it all. I planned to kill myself one day. but i looked over beside my bed. and my boyfriends picture was there. Leave him? never. But i wanted my parents to suffer so i cut myself then showed them. What a bitch i’ve become. My Life was great. then I slipped and haven’t gotten back up.
I’m about to be 19 and My parents beg me to take my meds. What ever happend to the old me?

Other than my parents the whole thing that onset this was me finding out TWO DAYS after my high school graduation that i have fibromyalgia. a muscle disease that can on set a lot of things…i went threw the depression…still going threw that. can ya tell? then the bi polar started.