Love without fear

I’m 21 one years old, and I’ve turned down 4 marriage proposals from 4 different men. I’ve had my heart broken once and I’m still not over it. It’s been a year, but it feels like yesterday. I’ll put this one lower on the priority list for now.

Let me get my practical life together before I even think about love.
I’ll nurse my wounds and get my head strait.
But for now. I just don’t want love, it hurts too much.

Love Madhvi without fear of ne1 in dis world!!

After 2 years of not even coming to this site… I finally found a way to get past my fear of love. I found love within myself! I met someone recently and I gave him my whole heart. I let go of all of the hurt and all of the pain from previous relationships including hurt from family, friends, my ex-husband and all of the men who didn’t deserve the love I had to give to begin with. The man I am with is the true love of my life and I would have never had the chance to love him or feel the love that he has shown me had I not let go of my past. This is how I learned to love without fear!!!

Congratulations.

Whether it be moving away, drifting apart or a sudden heartbreak. The only love that has never left me is that of my family. I will always love them to no end!!
I’m just not sure I can ever think of loving another without fear of that pain when it ends.

I’m terrified of love. I have HUGE trust issues and I think that every time I love someone, I’ll just get hurt, because that’s my experience. I’m always worried my boyfriend is cheating like my last one-his best friend-did. I just want to learn how to love and trust.

• Today, J. and I viewed all the Pulitzer Prize-winning photographs at the Newseum (along with accompanying stories and interviews). This was a very somber and moving experience since many of them involve famine, death, war etc. I personally am very emotional (being a musician this comes in handy) and in the past I’ve always dated artists and find it easy to bond emotionally with them. This has been a sticking point for me with J. because he isn’t outwardly emotional, nor is he skilled or comfortable with being that way. But he was visibly upset by the exhibit. Strange to say I was happy he was practically crying, but certainly I felt close to him and felt we’d shared an experience. When a person has a vastly different emotional reaction to something, it can be divisive….makes me wonder “Who IS this person??”
  This experience also made me realize how much I CRAVE the feeling of being MOVED. I love sad movies and books and they way they make me feel alive. It puts things in perspective and makes me aware of all the other people out there, which I think is helpful for my depression as well. So, I realized, I’m expecting too much of this stimulation to come from my relationship. My relationship shouldn’t be a drama-filled angst-ridden disaster area so that I can get my “fix”!
• And on a lighter note, I put up a display of “Pictures That Make me Happy” on my hallway wall. I selected about 12 and many of them include J. from our adventures (like Peru etc.) Every time I walk by I smile. I don’t know why I haven’t put up pictures of us before? That is normal relationship behavior! It seems like one views another person through the lens of whichever attitude you’re wearing that day. Certainly walking by and seeing so many great moments of our relationship as evidence on the wall doesn’t allow me to get in a negative frame of mind. (Which I am prone to about everything!)

sum this up by what ToddieM wrote about one of my entries once:
“I read somewhere (BrianKim.net) that the best way to destroy fear is to build your desire.
Want something bad enough, and fear is irrelevant.”

And when you find out why you were scared or shy at first, it becomes really much simpler to stop it.

I need to step out of the box and not be afraid of everything around me. I am talking to people I usually wouldn’t and comlimenting people on the most random of things. It feels good and I’m getting a better outlook on those around me. I’m beginning to open up to new things and hopefully now I won’t be as afraid of love as I was.

why is love a mystery, a secret, or a maze? why is the topic so sensitive to many people? why does who you like have to be a secret hidden from the world for as long as possible..when you know it’s going to spill sometime or another. are we afraid that people will look at us differently if they knew? or do we just want to have something personal, that only yourself knows about? what do you think love is?