be content

i remember a time when i was going through depression and my school put me through a physcologist, but this lady really helped me her name was Jaquline. She would support me, and it would make me feel 10x more content. but ever since she left the school board, im starting to feel a little down again. Im trying convince my parents to possibly let me see her.

I strive towards contentment.

I truely believe that I will never find true joy until I learn to be content with life as it is, what I have in the present, and resist the urge to always want more.

I want to be content, blissfully happy and at peace.

I am grateful for what I have… health, love, stability, freedom.

I want to learn how to just be and sit back and enjoy it all.

When I look at my life, I have so much to be thankful for. Listing all the ways would be an exercise in narcissism. I know things are good, as they are for many around me.

The trick is to believe it. To live in the thankfulness. To count my blessings instead of looking at all the things I strive for. Just stating it helps to master that trick, but I have miles to go before I sleep.

If you’re struggling like I am, spend a minute or two and think of all the things going your way. Look back over the years and see all the ways that you’ve been cared for. I think it helps to turn pity into gratitude. What do you think?

My dad once called me a human doing rather than a human being. Although he meant it in fun, it struck a nerve within me. I am always living towards completing things and accomplishing tasks. But is that really what life is about? To learn how to “be” rather than what to do seems to be the answer to contentment. Now, I just need to learn how to do this. This will be a challenge, considering I have been “doing” my whole life rather than simply “being.”

I’ve come to a point in my life that I realize I accept anything and everything, but the only thing that annoys me is that there is some ‘one’ thing, commonly known as God (although my idea of the ‘one’ thing to be far different) and my inability to know this drives me nuts. I always like to have stable grounds and to know a little more than I need to so that I can be comfortable with everything.

The point is, I do. And the only thing I don’t is ‘it’. I am okay with EVERYTHING that this universe and beyond has to offer and is made up of and everything that happens, or even everything as a whole. The only thing that frustrates me is not knowing ‘it’. I am the picture of a perfectly broad mind, but it’s so broad that I am okay with everything except not knowing that one single thing.

An explanation for the ‘one’ being the one thing beyond all else. Or even nothing, but nothing is impossible to comprehend. No matter what, we consider there to be something because we can’t imagine the perfect definition of NOTHING. No color. No senses. No existance. Absolutely nothing. Therefore, there is one thing that came out of nothing and THAT my friends is what bugs me.

I just want to be content with not knowing it, but because I don’t know it, I can’t go with any particular thing. I can’t believe in anything at all, nothing real nor fantasy/imaginary (like God for example) because what it all comes down to is ‘what’. It bothers me because I can’t accept it. This even depresses me because my life revolves around it, and it’s not even something that I know for sure. I know that I can be content if I allow myself to be free and precise to the ultimate degree and not care about anything, even family friends or myself, and accept my death completely, but it’s like… what if when we die that’s it. We have no more existance aside from our bodily energy, and therefore it would be one’s best interest to lead a powerful and highly enjoyable life.

I don’t know. I just need somebody =\. It’s such a pain in the ass going through this alone.

I just want to be happy is that so much to ask for?

I believe that in order to be truly, irrevocably content with the small things around you, for instance your material possessions or quality of life, you should be content with yourself. Being your own worse enemy is a lose-lose situation. When you are completely content with being you, flaws and all, you can truly see the beauty and greatness of what lies around you and in front of you.

If I can be content, then all others in this list are bonus. I strive to be content. I don’t take the time to appreciate all the wonderful people and things I have. I will do this now.