listen more and talk less

There is an old saying that listen more and talk less if you want to improve yourself.
I agree with this statement because when a person gives proper attention to others and listen them first then he abstract the conclusion from the discussion

I’ve gotten much, much better at not interrupting people, but I don’t know if I’m actually listening more or just talking less. Sometimes I feel like I’m just in my own world, and then someone will say “are you listening to me?” and I’m snapped back. Guess I need to work on that half of things.

I feel like I have gotten better at this, I need to remember to keep the focus on the other person rather than reverting it back to me. I also want to work on not disclosing more than necessary. And… not complaining or venting about other people so much. I decided that my sister will be the one person that I’ll vent to.

The talking? Comes in the form of short responses to my husband if i deem something that he says inane. If i listened to what he was saying, then perhaps I would have an easier time holding my tongue…reserving what I say for something worth saying.

I speak more than I listen. I have to learn how to listen.

if i can do it for 16 days! starting today

This is a lot harder than it seems. I have a hard time with active listening. I will listen but instead of looking the person in the eyes I will fidget around, rip up the napkin in my hand or whatever is nearby. I was working with a girl scout group and the theme of listening came up in one try-it. I realized that a lot of the things that I was supposed to teach the girls I wasn’t able to follow in my everyday life. My sister tells me that at times I have diarrhea of the mouth. I know that is a bit of graphic imagery but it is so true.

I learned the hard way that this is critically important in relationships. Of course it is. Why did it take such a big loss to figure it out?

I’m really good at this most of the time, with friends or colleagues or family. The rest of the time – those times when my mouth seems to operate completely independently of my brain AND better judgment – occurs when I meet someone I’m interested in.

I suspect that this explains a LOT of my problem with enticing men that I’m interested in to be interested in ME. I don’t know what happens…I’m talking and then it just seems like I go into some weird “other” state and my mouth starts yapping and I can’t stop it. It’s only after I walk away that I realize that the man I was trying to talk up said several things that I should have logically inquired about, but instead I made some absurd comment about cell phone plans…or origami…or cranberry juice. ANYTHING but the logical follow-up question. What the hell is wrong with me?! Of course the guy thinks I’m a nut job and doesn’t want to have anything to do with me after that. Who can blame him? I must learn to keep my mouth shut and my wits about me and ask something that sounds interested (I really AM interested in them, or I wouldn’t be talking to them) and sane.

So here’s my question. Guys out there: Any advice on talking up fellas and saying (without SAYING, of course) “Hey, you’re cute. What’s your status? Do you like me?”

. . . where I will try to calculate how long I’ve been talking – my word count – and I’ll try to make sure that the other person is saying more. It’s not just that I want to learn more from the person, I just want to make a better personal connection.