get in touch with my spirituality

This is something I’ve been working on for a long time, but not persistently. I want to dedicate more of my time to meitation, deep thinking, and opening up to god. I have gotten far into meditating and had many beutiful experiences. Lucid dreaming is another thing that that helps me open the door to spirituality, but I have not mastered it completely so I want to get more it also

I don’t know how it will go but I added another ‘Thing’ or goal as a means of working towards this goal; A Course In Miracles.
prayer just seems tough for me lately

For some reason I have no doubt there is a higher being/creator/intelligence. What I can’t determine is whether it really cares about each individual being or just humanity as a whole. As if we are all just a bunch of ants and a few here and there catch the eye of the observer but the rest are unseen and unnoticed. I would like to think that everything happens for a reason but now I’m beginning to think that’s just a need to have order in the cosmos. I’ve had some trauma in my life, like everyone else, and I’ve had some personal growth as a result. But is that the higher intelligence tossing tough things my way to help me grow knowing I wouldn’t take those hard steps on my own OR is it just that I’m resourceful enough to learn from my difficulties and determinedly optimistic enough to focus on the positive aspects of these difficulties? I don’t know. It was easier to feel closer to a creative intelligence and think that there was someone looking out for me before this most recent difficulty and yet I know that I’ll get through this challenge and take what I’ve learned and grow from it; that is who I am.

I can’t contain myself in the available religions I have experienced. I want something that allows me to be more in touch with earth and natural forces. I want to know what Krishna Das means when he says, “I have found a way to live in the presence of the Lord.”