remember me

He told me on the phone tonight {after reminding me of how our house looked like a beautiful jungle outside and inside}.

He told me that I have magic.
There is magic in my touch, that I can create anything and if I want to make something, I just learn to make it.

He told me I am so very talented and he is amazed by me. That I need to follow my dream…

Such good compliments, he is a very good friend.

_{{P and S}

_{We then talked about his new girlfriend who has been a really good friend of his for two years. I like Cindi, I really do, and I love that their relationship started as friends.}}

before my father built the entire up stairs. I had this room that I shared with my sisters. It had a baby bed in it for her and a big bed that my little sister Dannette and I shared.

It was covered with this pink chenille spread {oh how I wish I still had that}

There was a window that faced north east and in older home built houses, your windows were works of art not really the weather resistant, economic, useful tools they are today.

There was a window that had to be 4’ by 6’ the six being tall. The window opened with one on either side into the room, there was about a foot ledge then the screen to the window. I know I am not describing this very well.

Back when I was a kid it seemed you trusted people more and with reason. We never locked our front door, or our car. Nothing had to be locked up like that. only guns or serious valuables.

Well this window had the coolest lock to it and I would measure myself based on if I could touch it. I would dream about the time I could open that window by myself and feel the wind when ever I wanted to.

I loved when at night my mom would put a fan in that window. that was the best summer evenings, I could watch the fireflies and pretend they were magical fairies.

I was happy and free, no one was yelling or being angry there was NO hurt feelings and no one was being punished, Just the open window the sound of the wind the leaves dancing on the tree and Me… Free.

One night, I watched as the lightening came closer and closer. I watch the stars become blocked out, I watched the moon go dark and the sky became a canvas which nature painted for me. I was in love.

I remember getting out of bed, being really quiet and opening the window.. I was wearing this long night gown I must have been 13 and I could unlock the window.

I climbed into the window… pulled my legs up and sat there on the little ledge for hours as I watched the storm come over us. It was one of the most magical nights of my life.

glass door knobs.

It’s a wonder why my family hasn’t gotten me any. They are pretty big on collections, but maybe it’s hard to remember glass door knobs and I know, in this area, they are not easy to come by.

~

I want to be perfectly clear here. I am not feeling sorry for myself, I am NOT whining, or needing hugs or sympathy.

I just need some time. I am sure that when it’s all said and done, everything will point back to me and how fucked up I am on the inside, how I think.

But, right now, I just know that I kinda hurt. It’s been a while now, with this hurting. I don’t really want to talk about it, I have not eloquent words to toss at you guys.

I just feel a little lost and have been for a couple weeks. I’ve gotten some calls from home, and my going home is closing in on me… NOT much longer.

My children want to move home. I’ve not talked about that much not publicly, nor have I discussed publicly the things that are plaguing my heart.

I have a Wonderful love, and there are times my inner self fucks that up and irritates and annoys that love LOLOL.
I wish it were not true, more than anything I wish it were not true.

Any way, I am going computer free for a bit. I’m not sure how long, hell knowing me maybe an hour. But, life is out that front door and sleeping in the two bedrooms down the hall. Life is at the other end of that phone {my cousins called me last night} Her and I were born in the same hospital and lived in the same neighborhood our entire lives. Can you imagine.

Words are wonderful, beautiful, powerful… Sometimes, just sometimes…. you need a voice to speak them. Shrugs. I’m rather secluded these days, with my car being in the shop for the past 7.

I’m rambling. I’ll check back in later, for the next wonderful cheergasam.

Light and Love.

Anthony Hamilton OH, his voice is so powerful and wonderfully calming.

I’m in heaven now.

Do you Feel Me
wish i could see thru
see deep into u
and know what ur thinking now
and if i’m what u need then
i need some kind of sign
let me know cuz i can’t read ur mind
are u in?
or am i in this on my own?
i need some clue from u
let me know baby

CHORUS
do u feel me?
do u read me?
tell me am i gettin thru to u
i wanna know
are u with me?
are u listening?
baby is my message getting thru?

do u feel me baby?
oh baby
cuz i can feel you

VERSE 2
you play it so cool
won’t let nothin show thru
won’t show what ur feeling now
and u like to keep keeping me
keeping me here in my place

but i can see thru into ur heart
let me in
end all this mystery
cuz i just can’t stay in this guessin game

CHORUS
do u feel me?
do u read me?
tell me am i gettin thru to u
i wanna know
are u with me?
are u listening?
baby is my message getting thru?

do u feel me baby?
oh baby
cuz i can feel you

VERSE 3
and don’t keep me hanging on the line baby
tell me u want me and if u don’t then let me know
just answer one question
don’t keep me here guessin
tell me now

CHORUS
do u feel me?
do u read me?
tell me am i gettin thru to u
i wanna know
are u with me?
are u listening?
baby is my message getting thru?

do u feel me baby?
oh baby
cuz i can feel you

I am going to take a milk bath. Maybe treat my skin nice and put on my flannel pajama pants and my soft mans big shirt and be very comfortable.

I know it’s silly to talk about it with the day really being only half over. But I’m going to just soak my body and see flood the room with candle light.

Clear my mind a little.

It’s going to be so relaxing.

I am SO Tough

it’s a picture of a picture. Sighs.

this is called hand cane. I did this chair a thousand years ago.
It’s all done from cane strips that you soak in H2O and glycerin, to make it pliable then you weave it into various patterns, this is one of the most typical of patterns for this type of seat.

count the holes around the edges. I got paid by the hole. I sure hope you can make it bigger to see what the seat looks like.

I am thinking I am going to do myself up extra special…
To Wow the natives.

I have to go over to my family’s later on and all those they force to come to join us.

So I thought in the spirit of this day so far {and let me tell you, it’s a doozie} I am going to be pretty today.

I have already taken my shower, my curls are back with a vengeance {it was straight this morning} My make up is done and I am fine tuning.

Then I believe I am going to wear Red and Black.

OH this is going to be so much fun.