regardless of the results, i was petrified, but i did it..i did it…i did it. 7 years ago

in August. The goal used to be “get the part” but I’m trying to be more zen about the whole thing. I haven’t been onstage in 4 years and there will be stiff competition.

Also, I can’t control factors like another girl who (to them) IS the physical incarnation of this part, or a preference on the director’s part for someone he has worked with before and/or sheer talent or a powerful interpretation.

It is really important that I don’t tie my self-esteem to something this conditional, i.e. if I get the part suddenly feel validated and talented, as if I was shit up till that moment. Or, conversely, if I don’t get the part, feeling ugly, stupid, worthless, untalented, pathetic, blah.

An audition is a reflection of where I am in that exact moment in time and is the sum total of all my experience and preparation.

I began to examine my reasons for caring so much.

I wanted the part because...

it would allow me to meet new people, which I need to do

take up my time and force me to be more organized/disciplined about schoolwork

affirm/confirm (?) that I must have some talent and attractiveness and that I’m a “good actress.” (‘cause I need someone to tell me so, I guess).
a high respect for actors
and would like to have the power/talent to move an audience…
and learn new things about people in general

Though I don't plan to do this professionally, I have

Note: To anyone that happens upon this, I’m not posting it for pats on the back or support, which happen to be a good thing—don’t get me wrong. But I figure this will remind me/force me to deal with it.

Ok, take deep breaths. This is not major in the vast scheme of things. And aren’t I lucky that all my basic needs are being met, so I have the luxury of thinking about/doing this?

YES, I AM!!!!!!

BTW, what is up with the fonts around here? 7 years ago

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof By Tennessee Williams
Sheldon Vexler Theatre
Audition Dates: Sunday, Dec. 4th and Monday, Dec 5th starting at 6pm.
A plantation family gathers to celebrate, but the mood is somber.

One of the most successful works of our time.

For a number of old evils poison the celebration: sins of the past, greedy hopes of the future, and a desperate eagerness not to believe in the truths that surround them.

Auditions will consist of monologues, sides / cold reading from the script. Prepared monologues recommended. All roles are cast on a volunteer basis.

Rehearsals: Rehearsals begin mid Dec. / break for the holidays / pick up again Jan. 3

Characters: All roles are open.
Characters: These auditions will be for the ADULT roles only. The roles of the children will be auditioned at a later date – TBA.

Cast: Cast: Directed by Jim Mammarella.
Performances: February 2, 2006 thru February 25, 2006
Contact: Please call Tracy at 302-6828 to schedule one of the evenings.
Website: http://www.vexler.org/
7 years ago

I went to the library and checked out a copy of the play to refresh my memory. I’d forgotten how many long speeches she has, all in an accent. I’m really going to need to do some vocal work. And emotional work, of course.

I went in the car and read some of the lines out loud. I don’t have anywhere private to go at home, so…

So weird, I could almost feel her taking over my body…I wanted to walk differently and felt much more “powerful” sexually and otherwise than I do in real life… 7 years ago

Brick: You’ll make out fine. Your kind always does.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to be Maggie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh man. I haven’t been this excited about a part-or anything, sadly (thanks to depression)-in years. Calm down, dammit!

Okay. 7 years ago

no word back from my e-mail. I will call tomorrow.
Ack.
Must.
Screw.
Courage.
To.
Sticking.
Place!

funny theater anecdote;

A novice is onstage reading the part of Lady MB.

Actor playing MB: But what if we fail?
Actress playing Lady: We fail? BUT…SCREW YOUR COURAGE!!!“

LONG PAUSE.

“Uh…to the sticking place...”

*Ok, so its not really funny unless you’ve read MB (won’t name the play—bad luck in theater!) Sorr-eee! 7 years ago

if I want to put in the amount of work this would require.

Anyway, I finally e-mailed the director (who has turned me down for other things, years ago) today and asked if he was having auditions.

To me acting is a true art form and I’m not where I want to be, talent or discipline-wise. I would rather not do it at all than do it poorly or self-indulgently (i.e. look at me onstage! aren’t I great! clapclapclap!)

Anyway, if I don’t get a part-the part-I’ll live. I think part of me wanted the part so that I could have positive affirmation-PROOF, as it were-of being attractive (Maggie is no uggo) and talented. And my self-concept is foundering right now, so it would be too easy to take rejection as “proof” that I suck, when really it could totally be about something else. Which is just one reason why I’m not doing this (acting) professionally…talk about a train wreck!

We’ll see. 7 years ago

Maggie: Living with somebody you love can be lonelier than living entirely alone – if the one you love doesn’t love you.

Brick: ...Would you like to live alone, Maggie?

Maggie: No! No, I wouldn’t.

I need to re-read the play, analyze Maggie and take stock of my strengths and weaknesses.

STRENGTHS

+ I’m attractive enough-onstage, w/ makeup, mind you- and in the right age range for the part (although I could stand to lose about 10 lbs).

+ I have acting experience and empathy.

+ I love the play.

+ I’m good at accents.

WEAKNESSES

- I have scoliosis and a herniated disc.

-Stiff competition

-And, this part could be pre-cast.

Brick: You’ll make out fine. Your kind always does.

Maggie: Oh, I’m more determined than you think. I’ll win all right.

Brick: Win what? What is, uh, the victory of a cat on a hot tin roof?

Maggie: Just stayin’ on it, I guess. As long as she can.

A local theater is doing a production in February. They sometimes precast major parts so I may not even have a shot. There are some incredibly talented people in this town but I really want that part. I would need to lose weight (I plan to anyway) and work on my voice & motivation, but its such a fabulous part. She’s sensual but not a slattern and vulnerable with an edge of cruelty. Fab.U. Lous. I would really really really love to do it, but I should find out if its been precast before I get too excited. I hope they didn’t act like “no neck monsters” and precast.

I know without a doubt if I put my heart and soul into it I could do a really great job. Without question. 7 years ago