learn to say goodbye

If you love someone let them go .. if they come back it was meant to be… Letting go is what I fear..for he brings Hope into my Life..He is where my Horizon has risen… If I let him go..will I lose my sun?... The reason I shine? Could it be..that because of Him, I know who I am?.. Would it be that without Him, I am just a grain of sand?...

How can I loose him.. without losing myself?

As it happend to come to be I said goodbye to a really dear friend and my room mate but as it turned out I was saying bye to my love as well….

To my friend and love:

I guess this is it my friend. I didn’t have any other way to start this letter to you. I know that sounds strange to say because it should be easy to talk to your friends. I am finding rather hard to say many things to you at this point. Maybe because I know it is the last time we will know one another. The time we spent with one another was very special and I couldn’t have asked for a better friend and roommate. I know that life gives us many twist and turns, and we can’t really see what is around that corner till we come face to face with it. My life was hitting troubled waters as we met and I guess I didn’t realize I needed someone around who I could trust during this time. You have seen many sides of me, more than anyone will ever see in this lifetime. I have to say it has torn me apart in so many ways to come to this point where I could tell you this, and at that it is being done by a letter. God knows we are moving away from one another in time and I don’t think I could live with knowledge that you don’t know the reason behind the fact that we will never meet again. I’m in love with you and I can’t say how that happened or when. I know you see me as some kind of whore and how the hell can this be true. I’ll let you know something about my whore times. I did it to try to forget those feelings I have for you and in the end I felt so much gilt and hate towards myself. None of this is your fault or problem and I am not asking for you to give me an answer. This is just one of those things that needed to be said. I know we have joked about it many times and in the last weeks I know I wasn’t hiding it well. Yes, all those tears and late night heartaches were for you. Maybe being apart I will understand why I fell for you so hard. God, it hurt and will hurt so bad hearing those songs from Celine Dion singing how I felt and feel. Just laying with you on the floor hearing those songs killed me every time. I had to stop myself so many movie nights we had laying on and near one another from getting too close to show you I wanted so much more than that. In my heart I can say I am the one who wants to love you more and be the one to take care of you all your life. I wanted to hold you close so many times and when you hurt and cried I did too. I did think this was a crush but I felt my heart come alive and die when I knew you wanted something else. So many times I asked myself why you and I am not saying that in a bad way towards you. I just don’t know why I have to loose so many special people in my life. I don’t know if you read anything I put on that site 43things.com as you may have guessed it, you are my number one goal “Let the one know I am in love with them.” I am starting to think it may be a spell you have for guys to fall in love with you, however I don’t want you to think I am one of those guys because you are my friend and loosing that will hurt even more than you not loving me for me. I think I have said all I can because I am writing this will you near me and I don’t think I go on without the feeling of tears coming through. Just know what I am saying and please know that no matter what, you will always be in my thoughts and heart. I get how this has to go and though it may kill me for a while I’ll go on with life thanking you for helping me feel like this again when I thought I couldn’t anymore. You are to me that picture you drew on the wall. You are the one over my head and my light in the darkness I lived for so long. I could only hope that one day maybe we could be where we were once but you and I know feelings like this don’t go away and I couldn’t be a true friend with the feeling of jealousy every time you chose some guy over me. So, in closing I guess this is goodbye and I hope that when you think of San Antonio you will think of me.

With love,
Jay

I guess that is the best way to start this one.

My boyfriend left me and is going 1000 miles away from me! It is so hard for me to say goodbye. I love that kid so much but for the damn-near-year we’ve been together I haven’t been able to admit it. Last night was my last chance and I failed. Now I have to live with the regret of not swallowing my balls and just saying it. I am very heartbroken and yes in the future I will see him but first I have to complete school so it may be a while. pretty rough.