find the guts and talk to SC

he is the one, or if I am the one for him, or if the time is right, or if this will ever happen.

I need to have crushes on real men, not brooding over-achievers who can’t see past what I do (or who they think I am).

I think a lot, yes.. guilty. But I want to stop thinking about this or him, now.

and our eyes met for half a second. Then the lift came, so I went in and he went towards the staircase, probably for a smoke.

Sigh.. I am not sure if handler girl has told him. She’s been busy and we’ve not bumped into each other lately. So no word yet. I think not, coz if she has, I’m sure she’d told me.

Oh well, I have fessed up. Am wondering if this qualifies for me to mark this as DONE. Hmm..

p/s: Oh..and he looked as gorgeous as I last remembered him.

I don’t know how this’ll go. I don’t know where I’ll land. But in the spirit of the coming year, I am biting the bullet. I told my handler to tell him.. that it’s me.

Lame, I know.. I should just come clean. But the thing is, we don’t even mix in the same circles. And I don’t wanna freak him out by calling him or buzzing him on IM. Sounds stalkish, right.

So, there.. the deed is done. I took the risk, now let’s see if he’s the gentleman I think he is.

Dunno when she’ll tell him. We’ll see how/what he does from here. Where I am concerned, I’ve given it a shot (might not count for much) but at least I can mark this done soon.

Seriously, I think there’s something screwed with the planetary alignment coz I’m feeling a bit reckless.. Argh, 2 more hours before I leave this place. Suddenly it’s getting really warm around here :P

Not really, but I don’t know why I’m still giving this so much thought without actually doing anything. Maybe I just need some kind of passive aggressive outlet of some form. Anyway.. a friend suggested this to me. Why not tell SC who I am BUT insist that he gives his answer to me personally. So at least, if he turns me down, then I’ll have the satisfaction of finally knowing if he’s man enough in the first place.

I thought it was an interesting idea. To be fair, I have been utterly hopeless/helpless where this goal is concerned.. which is so unlike me.

I’ll think about it over the weekend and see how it goes. Sometimes I think I could do better by adopting a masculine outlook over this whole crush thing. So what if he turns me down, ...NEXT!

I have assessed my outlook with regards to this goal. Not encouraging… And honestly, I’m not too crazy about it (or him?) anymore.

Like some folks, I’d rather be friends first.. get to know each other on a casual basis, then actually go on dates, etc. Not the other way round.

SC’s a nice guy, from what I’ve heard. But I don’t wanna get into trouble, coz fact is, he’s a workmate. And my track record where office crushes are concerned is pretty devastating to date.

So, yeah.. the countdown has started. If nothing happens by New Year’s Eve, I’m calling it quits. Then I can go back to being my manic depressive self and whine wbout this some more. ;(

My “handler” has some news. And it’s not entirely good nor bad.

Apparently, our subject is neutral and almost indifferent to the proposed arrangement. No doubt he was somewhat curious but when told that yours truly prefers to remain anonymous for now, he simply said “No comment”.

Like, huh?

He actually guessed and mentioned a few names. Mine was not even on the radar list. So that tells us somethings.. that either my flirtatious effort has been in vain or he didn’t think that I was even remotely interested. But on both accounts, I am getting cold feet.

This sucks, it really does. I feel really silly playing these childish games but at the same time, am not willing to stick my neck out and come clean. Especially not now.

Oh well.. am not exactly crushed or anything. The world has not stopped spinning just coz SC does not even register me in his radar of potential interest.

Back to reality folks, and for now..we have more pressing matters to attend to.

but not yet.

I’ve decided to do something about this. Serendipity is fine and well, but I am one of those (foolish..crazy?) people, who would rather burn after a failed attempt, instead of just waiting and wondering for some cupid to work its (much needed, but long overdue) magic.

I am close to a girl who works with SC. I have assessed the risk where this gal pal is concerned and have deduced that she is not a threat to my plan. So, I have openly disclosed my intentions though our immediate aim is to evaluate SC’s openness to meeting “new” people. If this goes down well, phase 2 would then disclose the party of interest (that’s me) and then see if he is still interested.

However, I am not too sure about phase 2. I could go all mysterious and not divulge my true identity. Thus, upon his agreement, it will then become a blind date (though this might not apply in my case). But I am not much of a drama queen and I would prefer to make this as casual as i possibly can.

So, we’ll see how this goes. Though nothing much has happened, can’t help but feel excited. I just hope I will not fall prey to my own insecurities or unbound optimism, coz if this doesn’t work out (or if it fails miserably and this guy slags me off), I am not sure if i can show my face around here again (this part, I can easily do much drama).

Wish me luck guys, here goes nothing.. ;)

For the lack of better things to do, I’m thinking of SC right this minute. Sigh.. I am so bad at having secret crushes. Coz I am not a secretive person to begin with. I prefer to be honest and open about my thoughts, feelings and opinions. But where SC is concerned, the idea of making the first move seems like a very bad idea.

Why? If I told the truth, it wouldn’t be a secret now, would it..

Why I find him interesting (notice I did not say attractive or adorable)? He’s an over-achiever, admired for his passion on the job and he has a set of cheekbones to die for ;)

I’d really like to get to know him. Not romantically, but maybe as a friend first. But we need to figure out how to do that without spooking him too much.. hmm

My scheming brain is already buzzing with some devious plan..
>;)

..I don’t really have much patience with shy guys. Or guys who think they’re God’s gift to the ladies, and thus play hard to get.

Ok, time to get serious. If nothing happens by end of this year, I’m pulling the plug on this one.

I hope not, maybe just another silly crush. I used to indulge in these things waaay back. Thought I could use the challenge and find another goofy excuse to put on proper makeup to work. Haha..

I see him everyday (almost) and he seems sooo shy. But I caught him looking my way several times and that got me wondering.

Maybe this might go nowhere, but sometimes a glimmer of hope (no matter how vain or lame) is all a girl needs to keep on smiling.