live life instead of simply existing

Instead of taking risks and making new friends I find myself still keeping people at a distance and not letting anyone to get to know me. I turned down my own birthday party… who does that! I need to refocus on this goal and put up some positive messages around me. To let go and be more open.

Hahaha life totally knows when I am bluffing…damn. Well I have joined a running club but totally bailed out this week which was a dub thing to do because I was really enjoying it hopefully I will return to it. There is also this thing at work the Biggest Loser contest who ever loses the most weight. I might join that to have options on exercising.

Yup I have to do this; too often I find myself not wanting to do anything and just sit in my cave (apartment) and exist. I need to be alive and do things that I have made excuses for not doing. I need to motivate myself instead of looking to others to fascinate me or push me.

to do this while having fun

marked this complete a year ago…8-}

This year is going to wrap up nicely…A day like that once a week would make everything flow so easily…

I wonder…...........WTF.....I have told some of my friends….what I’m going to do soon…...just to see how they would react…..and the reaction has all been negative to outright disbelief…..You know what?....I don’t care…..I know exactly what I am doing / want to do…..Maybe it doesn’t translate well in story form….One of my friends gave me a pretty good lecture even….LOL…...I should have just quoted this goal to them…..and left it at that….