Trust in the Lord

This has been a strugle all my life, I know we are to trust the Lord unconditionally, I have been told to trust and go with Lord the in the final days, not to turn around and go back after your loved ones, how do I not turn around to my children and say come on lets go to the promise land? I guess that my teaching them to trust in the Lord too, that they will follow and we will meet in heaven as one….deep…! All of our questions will be answered that day, what a wonderful gift we have coming to us, as long as we live for the Lord and accept him as the Way, the light and the only way to this goal….the only way!

Honestly, I have to stop trying to satisfy myself because I will never be satisfied. When I look back, I realized whenever I tried to do things whatever I feel like doing, I end up regretting them. Instead, I should surrender my will to God and let God do the rest. I only have to believe that he will but it’s so hard. I always doubt and get pessimistic about myself. I realized I am faithless. How do I get a strong faith? I’m gonna pray about it until I find the answer.

I think I can actually say I finally did this. When I finally left all of my current pain and struggle to God, He helped me move to a better situation. He will never give you more than you can bear.

I do trust HIM. It is an ongoing thing that I must consciously remind myself not to forget that HE is in charge of my life and I, well, I just think that I am.

I’ve been talking to the Lord more than I talk to my friends so in that respect, I have grown a great deal. It will be a while before I can count this as accomplished but I do want to reflect on it on a weekly basis to ensure that I am keeping it in the forefront of my mind.

but I’m finding this extremely hard. I think that I have to amend this goal to ‘putting Jesus first’. I know what my purpose in life is supposed to be – to put Him first and live for Him…that is my spiritual belief but the ways of the world can get one so twisted, ya know?

Anyway. I’m trying to remember to talk to the Lord first and foremost but that is a hard thing to do when you want feedback, lol, hence calling a girl friend who will understand my current dilema.

All I can do is try.

I’m searching…don’t know what else to say about it right noe except for that.