improve my self-image

I have never had a lot of self-esteem. But I would like to learn to do things that make me feel better about myself. Like just taking the extra time every day to take care of myself because I should. I am 40 pounds overweight, my family says I am nice-looking but I feel that if I dressed better and fixed myself up more often maybe my marriage would go better and I would be happier in general.

Improve the image I have of myself and the image I have in my head of how other see me.

First step—getting the negative influences out of my life and surrounding myself with more supportive people. It’s done wonders for me already.

Then I cut down on all the time-wasting I used to do and started volunteering at a few organizations I care about. This helped with my self image in that I feel more purposeful now. I think being idle was part of the reason I got really down on myself.

As for the weight issue, I don’t know any woman who’s completely free of qualms about her physical appearance, but at least I don’t look in the mirror and hate myself like I used to. I found a study that suggested people who think of themselves positively actually lose a lot more weight than people who view themselves negatively, so I’m trying to focus on the parts of myself I do like. Not always easy, but it’s going to be worth it.

The first aspect I am going to go for is “housekeeper”.
I will begin to visualize myself as an efficient housekeeper, picking up all items that are out of place or serving no other purpose than adding to the clutter. When I visualize the outcome I desire, I will visualize a clutter-free home with an absence of dust on the shelves and furniture, and everything in the place designated for it.

By self-image, I mean that image that I carry in my mind when I think of any aspect of myself.
I have an image of myself as a Father, a driver, a communicator, a teacher, a student, a lover, a friend, a physical being, a swimmer, a hiker, a bicycle rider, and a multitude of other aspects that combine to make me who I am. I also have an image of myself in a variety of situations and places that I am either satisfied with or would like to change.

When I was struggling to quit smoking, I had an image of myself in a bar situation that always had a cigarette in hand, and that image had to be changed in order for the quitting process to be successful.

The image in my mind is the primary factor that determines my day to day reality, so my goal is to select the self-image (one at a time) that I want to improve, and work to accomplish that.

Yes, I would like to do that. Why? Because when I view myself in a mirror, see myself in my mind or look at myself in a picture, I am still seeing the size 14 sixteen year old. I want to see myself as I truly am, whether I am size 6 or size 20—I want to get this negative image out of my head that I am ugly and worthless.

(Crossposted to my journal and 43 Things)

dafydd asked the following this evening:

What defines who you are, in conversation? Are you defined by the actions of your friends and what you do with them? Are you defined by the work you do? (And does paid vs. volunteer work make a difference?) Are you defined by … your pets? What other frames of reference exist?

Does what you talk about define you, especially to others?

It’s been five years since then, and I’m still not doing very good at it. I don’t talk about myself unless it’s in terms of the people around me. [And that’s if I talk at all – Doug didn’t know my supervisor’s name at my last temp assignment until the day I was let go.] I have to question whether or not I actually believe I exist without other people around me…