It sucks to be your own worst enemy. I just noticed that I’m looking for love outside rather than filling myself with self-love. I try to make myself fall in love with guys. No wonder, i dont have any friends at all. If i do have any friends, I just focus on that guy who i try to fall in love with. I try to fall in love with him by looking at his pictures and putting on a song. I know that my heart is telling me that he isnt the one. I keep ignoring my heart’s cry for past 11 years. I should put a stop to this. I also realized that it takes a lot of strength and courage to follow your heart. Guess I’m a coward!!

The good news is that I have found out a solution to my problem. It is meditation. My thoughts are taking over my life. I am living my life outward instead of inward. 3 weeks ago

I’ve had serious problems with my self-esteem. I’ve never really been “good enough”. But that ends here! I’m sick of it. Yes, I AM pretty enough, I AM sweet enough, I do things WELL enough. I just have to realise it. Right now, even my mother is telling me that I’m not good enough. I have no clue how to stop that. But I’ve started telling myself nice things about me in the mirror. I need to be my own best friend. I should really start writing down the compliments I get, instead of remembering the insults. Yes, I will do this. 5 months ago

• comment cookie jar with nice things people say about me
• list 10 things I like about me that I can tell myself every day
• read Talane Miedaner’s book Secret Laws of Attraction
• write out my boundaries and read them every day until they’re second nature
• make my bedroom the most beautiful room in the house
• have my private tea time everyday and enjoy the hell out of it
• FORGIVE myself 5 months ago

What if I don’t value negative opinions? I save time and effort by keeping more of what good I have for spending on me.

Image. 1 Description
This is what bullying looks like to happy and successful people. 8 months ago

Now I barely like myself! I have to get back in the swing of things 11 months ago

Just like my partner, I seem to need something to work on everyday. My raison d’etre being created one day at a time. 11 months ago

I was recently writing a biography for my website. I have a lot of achievements in my life I never really recognized. I was the assistant musical director, stage manager, arranger, actor, and pit member for my high schools production of Sound of Music. I was studying college level music theory and flute performance at the age of 12. I sold my first composition when I was 14. I have lived in a country that a lot of people have never heard of, and been to many places that are just things on peoples bucket lists. I had an amazing childhood. I just feel like I’m not carrying the same excitement into my adult life. I guess I just keep having to do things that make me look like a badass. 12 months ago

I fully occupy myself. 14 months ago

Here I sit, with a french almond vanilla cappuccino and a lingering dream.

The air is moist, cool, with a subtle play of light through cloud cover overhead.

Good morning. 15 months ago

Wow, i am so seriously sick of alcoholics, I just get yelled at and told all those things for an hour. All because I voiced my opinion (2 weeks ago) and got somewhat frustrated/upset that my opinion was disregarded and I was treated like an idiot. This woman rang to say she was coming to get her stuff, so i asked her to wait until my mum got back from her weekend away. “oh no, your mum said i could come whenever I want, (which I wasn’t told about) you have no right its not your property” she said, she then went on to say how me and her grandson (a seven year old) had abused and verbally attacked my mother.

My opinion was that they shouldn’t smoke and that they especially shouldn’t smoke around me or her grandson but i was treated like an imbecile by her. Her grandson also happened to agree with my opinion and voiced that, and to her it was verbal abuse. she then hung up on me, and it must be the Taurian in me or something but I absolutely hate it when people don’t hear my point of view. So i rang her back and told her that she had bullied me about letting her come over to pick up the stuff and that all i wanted her to do was let me know when she was coming to get her stuff (she was picking up her stuff because I baited her/bullied her which made her feel uncomfortable) which is untrue. she hung up on me twice more (the last time i didn’t bother ringing her back) I asked if she had been drinking and she called me an arsehole. which confirmed for me that she had been. She then yelled at me some more (repeating everything she had already said) calling her grandson a (please excuse my use of this word I absolutely hate it) cunt because he once refused to open our gate for her. anyway you get the point. She also said I was the one with the problem, not listening to her, that i needed help and whatever that I was just a freeloader. (says the person who put a shed on someone elses property so they could put their stuff in it how ironic/cliche whatever you get the point). Also that I was the one abusing and bullying her.

I rang mum and told her what was going on, obviously very upset. And told her this was the last time that I was getting abused by one of her alcoholics (previously been verbally abused by the same woman (so has my mum) and by my mums on again/off again boyfriend, who also threatened to punch my brother). And I also pretty much told my mum that she is to stop smoking (i usually just say its disgusting and that she shouldn’t do it, not tell her that she can’t). (She isn’t actually addicted to them but smokes them when other people who do are around, if they are rollies) My grandfather (whom i loved) died of lung cancer (most likely from smoking) and it was horrible seeing him like that in a hospital bed pretty much nothing there of him when he used to be so cuddly, lively, friendly, spriteful and wonderful. Not that he wasn’t lively or friendly, but you get the point. I told her that I saw what it did to him and I wasn’t going to let her do it to her.

Anyway then the woman rang my mum and my mum told her that their friendship was over and that she wasn’t allowed to come around to our place anymore. That she would take the stuff to her. the woman then said she hadn’t said any of those things nor had she yelled and that I was the one that was being abusive. Know I am more then happy to admit (after the heat of the moment) when I have been yelling to someone/or that i genuinely don’t remember it. but i do not lie and say its all the other persons fault. by the way her grandson was still up at 11 at night and most likely heard all of this. Mum told me if she comes over to just ring the police on the non-emergancy line. which is what i will do.

I suppose there is a valuable lesson in there somewhere, my heart breaks for j, he has already been through enough shit in his 7 years life (and I mean some dark stuff) without taking on her problems as well.

I can say i am allot of things but i am positive that i am not any of those four things in the title.

Sorry for my rant but I couldn’t ring my bestfriend. 15 months ago

Nostalgically, some reminisce of childhood moments dressing the part of a potential future life.

Top hats and bonnets. Shoelaces and ribbon. Boutonnieres and fascinators.

We create our lives as much as we spend our entertainment and I for one put a lot of time aside to reflect on my life. Old pictures from the recent past become older and I prepare myself each time to be wiser than the last.

This is when a good idea can be realized. We don’t live for our parents, as much we might learn to love to impress them, we live for ourselves and in this understanding we begin to create our own image as we should like to be seen, better still, as we would like to remember our own past. 16 months ago

I can only imagine how amazing it will be when I’m finally my own best friend and biggest supporter, instead of my worst critic. If I spoke to friends or loved ones the way I talk to myself….. I’d have no one in my life!! Why is it we do that?

I’m not sure where to start with this goal. I think for now, I’ll try supporting myself as though I’m someone else. What would I say to my best friend if she was struggling? Had made a mistake? Was feeling blue?? 16 months ago

I couldn’t get the cookies but the chocolate milk was good all the same. 16 months ago