be an honest person

i expect my boyfriend to be honest with me about every friggin detail, but i can’t even manage to tell him where it is that i would really like to eat. i’m thinking it has something to do with him being the only person with an opinon i’m willing to listen to, so i’m afraid mine won’t be worthy… idk.

he has lied, some understandable, some not so much, but how can he be honest with me if he knows he won’t recieve the same from me? part of my personality is stuck in middle school

why does being honest come at such a high price? is it because anything good is worth hard work? so i was honest about my feelings, and was dashed to bits. ignored, led on, strung along for a fun ride. not again. i’m not ever doing it like that again. i feel like that’s a good start. a snob, uncaring, moderately racist, backwards in her thinking, an intricate fake. argh. i fell for it.
dammit. again!

i’m not being honest where i need to be, and need to be quiet in the other’s. i open my mouth in honesty, and i’m alone afterwards. nothing bad. no gossip or anything like that. no lies. just need to keep my mouth shut cause i’m a spazz and give out TMI. dammit.

i want people to say that i have excellent character. flawless. i don’t want to be a bad person. granted i have bad thoughts, but everyone does. i want to make good descisions and be a good person. when someone meets me, i want them to remember me. for who i am and what i do.