stop purging

Baby steps right? I’m going to put all my energy into not purging for 7 days just to start. It would be the first time in a year I’ve gone longer than 5 days without making myself throw up. Here we go then.
Wish me luck.

I’m going to make it this time.
Last week after a big purging session i burst a blood vessel in my eye.

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No one knows i do this, i want to stop it.

The restriction i find easier to deal with but this just fucks my head up even more.

Its been one week so far, been hard but im doing it.

ok i know this is rally bad but i started yesterday…i was angry at somebody and made myself throw up..and i did it again 2day…i wanna be really skinny ,and i kno im young but when i see all the problems i can have, i get scared…also im thinkin that i cant have those problems and i only did it twicee…....and i reallyy really wanna lose weight…

two days ago i started purging. and i did it again today. i want to stop i don’t want to have a heart attack. i have anorexia, but bulimia is just not my thing.im so scared, and i need to stop.

I just want to stop.

One day, Bulimia stopped working. At on point, I went from 110 lbs to 78 lbs from throwing up everyday. my life revolved around my nightly binge and purge sessions… If I wasn’t thinking about food, I was buying it or eating it or throwing it up. I had no time for friends and in result I lost all of them. My grades suffered because I left school frequently to binge and purge. my life was falling apart but the way I knew I was completly out of control was when bulimia stopped working but I kept doing it anyway. I stopped losing weight and started to gain weight. No matter how much I restricted the pounds came flying back on. It stopped filling that void while i ate and giving me a “high” after i threw up. It became more like a chore I forced myself to do…no wonder since it took so much time and energy.
One day I realized I didn’t want to do this anymore. But the idea of stopping was overwhelming because I didn’t know who else I was but a bulimic. I didn’t, and am still trying to find out, what I like doing and what kind of people I want to be around. I felt like a shell of a human being without it.
Slowly but surely, the need to keep up a habit that wasn’t doing anything for me became less and less of a desire of mine.
I love being able to eat again. And I don’t know how I got here..I never thought I would be able to eat and not feel guilty and love my body with its flaws but it’s an amazing feeling to be here.
I have my moments when I think about bingeing and purging. Those moments usually are nights I feel sad and lonely…but I am able to recognize that my hunger is really just an inner loneliness that wants to be filled and food can’t do that.
Throwing up really seemed like the solution for awhile but it just created a world of problems for me: insecurities, warped perceptions of food, and health problems. Its ironic that after I stop purging, I have paid for all my years of abuse. My hair is now falling out, my body is weak and frail like an old lady, and my teeth look like hell. I get sick a lot and infections a lot because my immune system is pretty shitty.
All and all, even with those problems, it was totally worth it to stop flushing my life away with an eating disorder.

I have 8 cavities and my throat is killing me. No more.

i don’t know if anyone reads this. i don’t really care. i just know that i don’t want to be that girl. that bulimic girl. i don’t want to be scrutinized everywhere i go. i don’t want people to speculate on whether or not i’m going to keep my food down.

but it’s getting more and more difficult to keep food down. i feel sick every time i eat something. i feel like i have to purge. it’s not even that i want to, its becoming an automatic reaction. how can i make that stop?

I’ll try this time. When ever I get bored, I shall listen to music or call a friend. I don’t want to live my life like this forever. I’m only 12. I still have a whole life ahead of me. This has been preventing me to achieve my full potential.