be happier

No lo pondré como conseguido, pero como si lo hiciera. Soy mucho más feliz ahora que hace equis años cuando escribí esta entrada. La vida son altibajos, la felicidad no dura para siempre. Pero en realidad ser positivo ayuda incluso en los peores momentos. Al menos para saber que son pasajeros en el peor de los casos.

I need to stop focusing on things that have made me upset in the past and focus on the things that bring joy to my life. I want to start doing yoga more, ride my bike, and maybe take an art class. I want to let go of the people who hurt me and GET OVER IT.

Eventually…

i am totally utterly wholey happy when i am at home.

We will be going to our 3rd session as a couple tomorrow. Things have been good since the last one. I have been being more honest with my husband. This was one of the major problems we have been having. It is such a relief when there are no secrets.

I imagine once I defend, that will make me happier. Very much happier.

However, I’m moving now (which I hate), and I still have to finish a few edits and an hour-long presentation on the work. That is not fun. Also, I’m never going to be sure until I go through some of the new job whether it will really improve a lot. There is hope, yes. But right now that’s all it is.

Still have to maintain health, musical ability, etc.

If I do the things I’ve listed today- about working out and eating better, along with paying attention to my appearance,I am sure happier mood will follow.
I also need to reread material I might have on this topic and incorporate it in life.I am good at “shoulds”, not so good at having fun.Gotta rectify that.

still not happy…working on it…why is it when you want something it just sometimes seems out of reach. started realizing that yes i am part of the problem (duh)...just when im getting a little ahead i just freak out. i know what i want and its right there…why the hell am i so afraid? there is nothing o be scared of…..i keep telling myself that and in my heart i know its true. why do i feel so responsible for everyone else’s happiness…..is it selfish to make myself happy? i know the kids are happy if i am….why am i so scared to just allow myself happiness?

i am tired of being miserable…of making the wrong choices…of settling because i put myself into shit situations…i want to put me and my kids first..

We went to our first therapy session today and I think it was great. I felt so much better when we left. We were able to talk about things and have someone to tell us that we are a completely normal couple with the same problems as everyone else. The therapist wants to meet with me by myself next week because he says I still seem to be really depressed and I should have been in therapy since I started taking meds.