oh goodness. i am going to puke. i am actually going to physically be ill and crawl under the desk and die because nothing is woekingnkngr. and no matter what my bff says, i think i am pretty stupid. i am good at critical thinking and writing when i have put a huge amount of thought into it. but isn’t everyone? isnt everyone good at that stuff if they would just THINK. albeit i do feel as if my brain no longer serves any function. i dont know why i even try. why am i even in physics. why do i waste time applying for anything and taking any kind of class when i am too stupid to do this one thing.
i dont even know what im doing with my life. i was forced into a corner and locked in a box then the box was finally opened and i had no idea where i was or what to do when i left. its just more convenient to stay in the box, but like i always say, convenience isnt a good reason to do anything but i literally have no other reason. i wish i was as smart as everyone thought i was and more. there is literally no way i can come back from this i think. i think i want it to be over. 1 month ago
first of all, friday was like the best day ever. honestly. but the preceding week and following days were and are the worst. THE WORST. i feel like dying. there is too much pressure, too many things going on that i literally dont care about at all. i want to cry it is so bad. i dont know why things are this awful. its so stressful and the stupidest thing is that half of the stresses are related to money. i hate stupid anguilla, i want to visit my sis, but why is the entire world against me.
i have toijfowrklrpokroi4rjoiwjr too many bookings. too much running around the entire godforsaken island. i hate the caribbean too. that just makes everything worse. i hate that stupid place. i never wanted to go back there but i pulled through and booked this stupid flight because i want to visit my sis but now everything is against me. and unfortunately its all my fault as well. i have the worst luck in the world. honestly. when anything is left to chance. or its like if i dont nitpick every little thing in the most annoying way, everything goes wrong. and thats whats happening now. 1 month ago
today is possibly one of the worst days in a very long time for reasons and faults that are not my own-for once.
i thought everything was going OK but it turns out that seemingly calm time was just time for the endgame to build in its horrific glory. 2 months ago
Ahhhh its been so long. I thought everything would be fine, but its falling apart. Scratch that, I am falling apart. I have never stressed so much about exams or anything. I have never doubted myself so much. I want to cry. I hate this. I hate everything. I want it to stop. I can’t…. I don’t know what to do 5 months ago