Ahhhh its been so long. I thought everything would be fine, but its falling apart. Scratch that, I am falling apart. I have never stressed so much about exams or anything. I have never doubted myself so much. I want to cry. I hate this. I hate everything. I want it to stop. I can’t…. I don’t know what to do 1 month ago
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i really hate my sister sometimes. we literally have nothing in common (which is weird because our parents force us to spend every waking moment together) and i really don’t think we would even be friends if we weren’t sisters.
she doesnt seem to have the ability to think 5 minutes ahead and i am so sick of it. i am always the one who has to cover for her, and then everyone thinks i am the boring/rude one. i am not being rude, its just i am honest and refuse to lie to everyone like she does. she’s the one who drinks and likes to go out and never wants to hang out with any of our cousins
i always want to make plans with them, but they are being nice, and dont want to “leave her out”. i always say she’s busy so we can’t go, but newsflash-she can go, she just wants to sleep her life away or hang out with some other random person
i am missing my cousins and would rather just hang out with my friends now, at least they don’t lie to me all the time and make plans they NEVER EVER keep. her word means nothing; everything depends on her “mood”
i mean she’s 27 for goodness sake, she needs to stop acting like a baby and own up to her mistakes. this is why it took her 9 frickin years to not even finish an undergrad degree. she should just take up acting since she’s evidently so good at it.
im glad at least my friends know me and whats going on; unfortunately i cant really tell me cuzzos because then there would be drama. ick
i guess they can just think whatever. maybe one day they’ll find out the truth 4 months ago
oh my gawd i cant even deal with my stupid sister. i am so impatient and allow know slack with her because i know how bad and stupid things get with her. i never give her the benefit of the doubt because she never deserves it; i expect more from her than from other people. although i probably shouldn’t at this point.
i literally cannot even tolerate her when she’s not on her meds; i can always tell when she’s not on them. its blatantly obvious. it used to be so much worse, and it seems like its getting to that point again…its probably because she isn’t taking her meds as its summer. omg i hate her when she’s off of them. i can always tell. she brings out the worst in me when she’s this way. 4 months ago
Still trying its linked with my procrastination. I’m unhappy about stuff I don’t have time to do so I procrastinate. A vicious loop. 5 months ago
so im actually trembling as i write this but whatever. today was a really great day, but the at the end of it i just spiraled downwards and now i cant get back up.
i just want to go away and fall asleep and not wake up. i want to stop feeling bad. i hate everything here. i am so much better off on my own its kind of ridiculous. seriously. i was on my own for four months, and everyone unanimously agreed that i was funnier and cooler. it is so much better not having my sis pestering me about every little thing-I AM OBVIOUSLY FINE. it just annoys me and then i get grumpy.
Edit: i just spoke to sis and told i am so much better off on my own which is true for the most part and a lot of the time…but it is kind of scary sometimes how sad i get.
and i know its just my circumstances, if my circumstances change, i would be happy. but i have to wait all the way until spring semester for them to change…and sometimes i don’t feel like i can wait even that long. sometimes, a lot of the time, i just want it to end and the only reason i dont, THE ONLY REASON, is because i can’t do that…
it hurts so muchhh i just want to die
whatever. 6 months ago
ok i am kind of feeling really depressed again. i think i need help reading people/with regular social skills. i can’t really seem to be friends with guys because apparently they either think i don’t like them or they think i like them too much and then want to sleep with me. so far i have decided to think that i was not the problem, but they were, but now i am thinking i need to be more normal. :( i dont know what to do because the very few (very very few) guy friends i have are actually pretty cool. i finally feel more comfortable with one (might be because i found out he was gay :/) ughhhh why can’t i be normal. why don’t people just talk to meeee and make sure they understand meeee eeekkk D: 8 months ago