discover my vocation

:)

For the past year I have been focused on finding what God is calling me to do. My first step toward that, like everything else, is freeing myself from the holds of masturbation. After that I am where God wants me to go to college and where I will have the best opportunity to discover His call. Accomplishing my vocation will bring me closer to God and true happiness, something I really want to have.

I feel sure that I am called to marriage and family life. I want a family. I’ve planned my whole life around having a family. If I turn out to be sterile, or my husband does….. I don’t know what I’ll do. Change my whole lifestyle. But it’s what I want, so hopefully God wants it too.
I feel that I should probably work outside my home though. I’m greatly influenced by my environment, and my family won’t be able to provide for all my emotional needs, so I should probably find a group of people outside of them to supply those needs. Not a full-time job, just something I can get away and do.

I’m realizing that I want to not work outside my home when I have kids. Before and after, probably so. I don’t want to be a retiree really. I want to take it much easier when I get older, but I don’t want to feel useless or unproductive. Being productive keeps you young, healthy, happy, etc.
Also, I don’t want to do non-profit work. I’ve seen lots and lots more non-profits than I’ve ever seen in my life, and so I have a much better understanding now. And now I realize that I’d rather get paid for helping people. I also realized that I don’t want a job that doesn’t really actually help people, though.

Ok so… I’m getting there with this Americorps thing. I’m learning some things about myself that I think will help me determine where I am and where I’m going. Slowly, surely.

Nun:
More time to devote to following God’s will
More opportunity to help people
Safe place to learn and grow in faith and personal security
Surrounded by people who believe what I do and help me
Frequent confession and Communion
Wear a habit

Wife and Mother:
Opportunity to teach children everything
Using my body for what it naturally does
Share love with a man and children
Get love and support from lifemate
Experience the normal life
Live my dreams

Nun:
Might not be God’s will
Never have my own husband or children
Never leave a mark in the world
Be protected from true crosses
Not risk enough

Wife and Mother:
Might not be God’s will
Be stressed
Be more available to sin
Lead children into bad habits
Risk too much