Because of my upbringing, I have had to put aside a lot of my feelings, and desires. I have had to make myself small, passive, a people pleaser. As i’ve gotten older, and with the help of some great therapists, I realize that a lot of my anger and sadness comes from ending up in situations where i’m passive, and resentful about it.
For example, a group of girls in my class are making plans to do dinner. I am friendly with these girls yet none of them ask me to join them. I sit by passively, and run out of the room when class ends, feeling resentful and depressed. A more active approach would be to ask one of the girls i’m friendly with, could I join you?
Also, I have the most amazing husband, yet sometimes I feel resentful and angry thinking “Oh man, we don’t go on any exciting dates anymore!” Keep in mind, my husband is a very wonderful and loving man. If i asked him, “hey will you go to X with me? ” He would say yes in a heartbeat! But by being in a passive role i feel again, depressed and angry.
I am growing up, even though I feel like a little girl, I am a grown woman. I need to be more assertive over my own life. I need to find things to do, and do them. I need to make plans, I need to stop being the passive one. I think it will make for a more genuine and rich life. I think that whenever I do an “assertive” or “take control over my life” action, I will post about it 5 months ago