take control of my life

Money isn’t everything, and not that important to me anyway, I’m not a big spender even when I’ve got it – but at the moment, when rent and bills are paid there really isn’t much let. And I want to be able to do more, see more people, travel more – basically just enjoy life more.

I’m looking around for a cheaper (smaller) flat to rent from next month when my contract ends. I hate moving, I hate all the little things that comes with moving (all the phone calls you have to do to change address erc) but it will be worth it. It will give me the chance to be more living and less just existing.

Dividing your life into sections like

personal development
health
carrier
finance
relationships

then setting goals in each section should do it…......
but goal setting is an area where i need to improve….

I will make my studies my first priority. I need a proper study routine and I need to stop procrastinating. Putting things off until “tomorrow” isn’t helping me. I also have to stop letting stupid little things hold me back for weeks before I deal with them. Time is valuable.

I will also focus a little bit on my health. For now, jogging regularly will be my only health goal. I’m tempted to add lots of other goals – all the musts and shoulds… but nutritional goals, strength training etc will have to come later, because this is step 1. Jogging outside in fresh air is a good stress/worry reliever so I’m thinking it’s good to combine this with my study goal. My main focus will be on my studies though.

I’ve let people ruin my day, and I always just go with the flow hoping luck will bring something fantastic into my life.

As my cousin said, luck doesn’t just happen – you make it for yourself.

I’ve been a bit depressed lately as I feel I’ve wasted quite a few years of my life. And I’m not going to stay young forever so I need to start taking control of it.
I think the problem is that I wanted it all at once and ended up doing only a little bit of everything inconsistently, which of course gave no results. It’s just a waste of energy and time.
But I don’t want to give up and be miserable about it, so my new strategy is to be persistent and patient and get where I want to be in life slowly and steadily.
So now I’m starting from point zero and will only focus on 1 or 2 areas to work on until I can handle it well and feel ready for more. Learn to crawl before you walk, right?

I have to much to be done presumably at once. Am I being honest as to what type of worker and work I am suitable for? I don’t believe in that word suitable because one can always learn something and master it. But I’m not focused on what I want. There’s too much there. I have to break things down. I have to take it apart and possibly take it slow.First of all I need to recognize my immediate needs and tasks that must be completed and longer term goals that require tasks I may have to complete now or in the interim.

I am finally at a place where I can say that there is nothing holding me back. I know what I must do to get to where I want to be and I can no longer take for granted that I’m the only thing left of the things holding me back. Smoking pot is so old. I have to take charge of my life and everyday I have. Smoking EVERYDAY is so lame because it’s not productive for me anymore. Even if it were I know I don’t like the thought of going through everyday with impaired judgement and other things that don’t function as well when I’m high. I know it’s time. I have to stop fighting it and let it go.

If he makes decisions like a single guy, he doesn’t really care about you and your relationship. You don’t want this to be true but it is.
Get this into your heart as well as your head and do what needs to be done. No matter how much it breaks your heart.

Looking out over the decisions I am making in the next year, it has occurred to me that taking control is indeed very hard. Sadly, I’m not sure my relationship with my wife is going to last. There are so many ways we are good for each other, and yet, there are so many ways that we both have become worse off than before we knew each other. In the final analysis, I think we are bad for each other. 10 years is a long time to throw away, but another 20 years wasted on top is insane. In the words of Tagome from King Arthur, “I will prepare.” just in case.

I think the most important thing for me to do was that I needed to learn to accept that I can’t control everything, and that no matter how much I do something, there are things that will not change and that I would do well to stop wasting my energy trying to change them. It’s not as bad as you may think it sounds, don’t worry. I’m not giving up, but trying something new.

My problem was that I saw the world in a very idealistic way, and when I encountered things that didn’t agree with that idealism, I felt like I had lost control. But that wasn’t true.

For example, I thought that all the people in my Catholic youth group had to be wonderful people who lived up to the ideals we talked about in discussion groups. But they weren’t. I started resenting them for being hypocritical. I don’t claim to be perfect myself, but I do make it a point to be kind to other people and not talk behind their backs. Because they seemed to talk behind others’ backs all the time, I started hating my friends for what they were doing, but I also couldn’t detach myself from the environment because I loved doing the Catholic things I did, even if it wasn’t with the people I loved. I started wanting to do something to change them (attempting to take control) but couldn’t come up with anything effective, and went crazy because of it. :p

I had to learn that although I thought that the world should run based on rights and wrongs and a sound view of ethics, that wasn’t the way it actually was. It’s important that it should try to emulate that idea, but it’s not what actually happens. And I can’t ignore what is actually going on anymore. Therefore, what actually happens in reality is more important that what I think should happen.

I used to reject ideas that didn’t go along with my “perfect” world, e.g. that those who claim to be very religious are not necessarily those that best live up to those ideals. I don’t think that they’re bad people. They’re just human. But just wishing over and over that they would change themselves is not going to make anything happen. Plus, I’m expending my valuable energy and emotional health by trying to control something that’s…out of my control.

I have to understand in what ways other people actually see the world, not just force them into my mind and imagine that they see it the way I would if I were in their place.

I’m glad that I can accept that certain things are out of my control. It’s just not worth my mental health to keep believing that they are. I didn’t want to give this up, to admit defeat in trying to make the world a better place. But I’m just trying a different tactic, because the old one didn’t really work. And I’m opening myself up to a new way of thinking. I still don’t know if I can fully accept those people in my youth group for the way that they are. But maybe I can try.

When I defined this goal for myself, I defined it in a very narrow-minded and naive manner. Not that I was wrong or anything, it’s just that my thinking has changed. For some people, they do need to step up and “take control of their lives.” But I was the one who had to lose it in order to understand that I always had control of my life in the first place.