learn how to live

i need to do something more than sit around and feel srry for myself…get out into the world and prove i can be more than i already am

Hello, again…
for nearly 9 years now I have been the target of gossip.
I can’t go to town or the small stores without getting stared at, or stared down.
people say I’m a slut, and a whore but I can really say I’m none of these things.
I am however a cutter. which in my mind is to no fault of my own.
I’ve been helping take care of my mother and I am in the home study.
as of this moment my chest hurts so bad I think my heart just may break in me and I might not be anymore.
I’m so depressed… my pain doesn’t go away and these people never leave me alone.
It seems like people are always trying to prove me wrong, make me a liar, or anything else to that nature. I am 17, almost 18. my father is abusive and plays a big role in why there’s so much talk about me in this town. he tried not too long ago to beat on me ….and for what? I didn’t make coffee that morning.
my heart hurts so much that if I die tonight, due to my OD or my wound infection…. they can just say I died with a broken heart.
I feel so alone.
I don’t know what to do half the time…
when I was 13 or so someone told me – “That is a lovely dress, no one would ever know what you do under it. you hide it well!”

who…. the hell would tell that to a child? I wonder… well
I tried tonight.
ya know,
to take away my own pain.
but,
it didn’t work.
think I’ll be okay?
anyone have any advice?
I think I’ll go take some more medicine.
maybe that will make my pain go away.

..there was me, the laptop and a chance meeting with this page. If you feel the bizarre humor quirking and know how to be content – or got a tip on what to avoid – , drop it on the board.