be sociable

I want them to love me.

sigh

Both of the social things I planned got cancelled.

One, without my knowledge. There was just a rumor that it got cancelled, and nobody showed up.

The second one, there was a flood, and a couple of friends houses got flooded, and someone else just couldn’t make it, and things just aren’t going to work out.

I’m hoping they are all okay. I’m admittedly a trifle miffed at the whole situation, and at the same time, secretly relieved.

Maybe I should try just being sociable at other people’s events for a while. :/

I think the thing that stops me from being sociable is my own, possibly skewed perception that I am not very likable.

I go from extremes. From: Nobody likes me, to: if nobody likes me, it’s just because they are negative, and I don’t like them either! Now that is unlikable.

It’s extremely neurotic. I realize I started to think this way after I lost my mom, and now it is time for me to stop pushing people away, and act like a real grown-up woman.

So, I invited several old high school buddies to get together before our upcoming reunion while I am in town.

I also invited a flock of girlfriends to go bowling in a few weeks. We always have to plan everything so far in advance to get a group of people together, it just seems insane. Would you like to hang out… in a month? What kind of way is this to live?

My continuous belief that you can only love one person fully prevents me from having an active social life or a good persistent friendship. It leads me to feel oppressed by friendship but lost without one.

I had developed a bit of a drinking problem a few years ago. In order to quit drinking I stopped hanging out with most of my friends(most of them drank, and thats mostly what we did when we hang out.) I started going to school and just kind of drowned myself in school and work. Occasionaly I would hang out with some friends(ones that didnt drink.) Now I’m about to finish school, and would like to get a bit of a social life back. It seems since I’ve been sober I can only stand people in small doses though. So it may take a little time.

little Snape)