Think about going back to Africa

I’ve got a permanent contracted job here in the states. I am enjoying things like the US grocery stores, the easy post office, internet access, and hot showers. I sometimes miss Africa a lot, and I’m sure I’ll be back eventually, but…
not for a long term job again, until I retire.

I felt it yesterday. I rarely watch the news, because of whats in it. I read papers, but the news….
While waiting for the treadmill yesterday at the gym, I caught a CNN report on Sudan…and had a creeping feeling that I should go back. I am not planning on it. But it was definitely Africa Guilt. The guy from UNHCR was actually quite good thought when asked to discuss the aid situation, I was surprised and impressed by his comments….

last night I loaded a patient on to a transport helicopter bound for a “real hospital” I’ve done this numerous times since I have been back in the states. For some reason as I stood back and watched the bird get off the ground, I couldn’t shake this wierd feeling listening to the whirr of the wings. DUH. For a long time last year, everything was dominated by the plane: food, mail, communiques, Patient transports (to “real hospital” in Kenya), some medicines, strange things like cotton swabs, and needles….” For quite a few minutes I was right there again….this was enough memory. Not time to go back, yet.

I dreamt I was on a trip to Kenya, with a bunch of people who had not been nefore. I was overly casual. In my dream at the airport, I couldn’t even find my passport and I was not concerned about it. But I know I’m not going back any time soon, At least not for the next 6 months.

yesterday came from Concern America. I can not remember when I sent them my resume, or why really. I think it was some sort of jerk reaction to being home and feeling unadjusted and the fix for that of course, is more work overseas. They have no positions open currently, but they will keep my resume for 6 months in case the one in Mozambique opens up.
Odd thing sis that, while I enjoyed the recognition of my abilities, I have not a big desire to go overseas long term again, it is soooo disruptive. I just want to be sure I do not stop achieving things and become one of those people who only has their past achievements to talk about…

I spoke for an entire hour today on the phone with a stranger, who wants to go and volunteer in Africa. Somehow I finally managed to confer the actual difficulties of the job without dampening her enthusiasm or mine. The more I spoke, the more I want to go back, but with a different focus..for sure.

with a friend last night and we talked for a long time about Liberia. It was great, and sort of sad as well. I’m still only in the “think about it stage” but I imagine that by this time next year, I’ll probably have a few more stamps in the pass port (though I will have to get a new one if I want a new stamp…)

with the recent PhD Developments (SEE “Get A Master’s Degree)
I might be headed back to Africa a lot sooner than I thought.

I am defintiely having a strange feeling- realizing that for the first time in 6 years, I have no plans for using my passport in the next three months. Though I suppose I could get wild and go to Canada… :)

I’ve been having dreams about Africa lately (not too unusual considering the recent past event in Nigeria…:(
and the rioting in Liberia…
I’ve had this recurring dream currently that I went backk to high school (at 30!) and am trying to help others to work in Africa. I am interpreting it to the fact that my current job is lot less challenging- so manybe I feel as if I am in highschool? hmmm. Wouldn’t really want to go back to high school. Not to mention all the other students are my college mates. I wonder what my dreams are trying to tell me.

Got news today that one of my former co-workers has died int he plane crash over Abuja Nigeria this Saturday. I’m feeling pretty depressed and also feeling lucky- as I was going to be on this particular project, but chose not to continue with the organization… funny thing when i saw the crash reported on CNN I was thinking about how I felt lucky as Nigeria does have a fair number of crashes…
Now, i feel I owe it to her memory to be going back.