DanT1999 is happily asserting imperfection
I’m already honest with the people I encounter, for the most part. I don’t have a problem with lying; that was never what I meant by having this goal to be more open and honest. In fact, I’m known for not being good at all at lying. There are some people who come to me when they want a really honest opinion about thier hairstyle or outfit or whatever because they know I won’t just tell them what they want to hear. The issue I had was really about being open.
I don’t think I need to be more open. If you meet me in person, I seem like I’m not very open, and in fact, I’m not open to just anyone, but I am very open to whoever cares to be equally open with me. What I discovered is that it doesn’t matter how open I am. I could be as open as I want and that still won’t compel someone to as open with me. If I can’t get reciprocation, I don’t want to be so open.
The odd thing is that I’m much more open about writing my honest thoughts here on the internet for complete strangers to read than I am in communicating them to people I encounter in my daily life. The difference is that here I can write whatever I want and there’s no guarantee that anyone at all, much less people I actually know, will read what I say or if they read it that they will feel anything because of it, and I don’t feel anything back if they don’t feel anything, unlike in an in person situation. I appreciate that there are people who actually read and think about what I have to say and it feels awesome, but it’s still not the same thing because there’s not the same element of personal connection as these are people who mostly won’t say their real names and who could randomly delete their accounts at any time and I’d never hear from them again. Despite still wanting the reciprocation and not getting it and as contradictory as it is to what I said in the prior paragraph, I still do it anyway, and I like doing it. If this isn’t open, then I don’t know what is!
