I don’t know exactly why but all throughout the day I tell myself I should shut up and keep myself to myself. Somehow I always end up joking around with other people, without really wanting it.
We sit in a group of six and they’re constantly talking and chatting and making jokes and gossiping about other people and I don’t want to play a part in it. Because I know that they will be gossiping and talking about me behind my back when I’m not there. I always end up joining them poking fun at everyone and everything. It makes the time spent in the office seem more pleasant, for them, for sure, for me too, but it’s such a wretched and disgusting attitude that I feel somewhat ashamed of associating with them.
I feel like I want to be kind to other people. I just want to be myself, Worry about my insignificant half-thoughts, They are so obvious all of them, these little things they say which they suppose is going to make them feel more important than the rest. And I feel like a hypocrite because I’m nice to everyone when I really should be telling them to go to hell.
Maybe those who don’t have these thoughts live happier. They may think that because they never get upset, never say a bad word, always smile and are always polite,they’re good people, when in reality they don’t take anything serious and make fun of people who take things to the heart. I’m no sissy, I’m not being mobbed, my character is just too strong, the surface, this evil look of mine has always held everyone in check, and I don’t really care what they say behind my back. In fact I do care, but it doesn’t really hurt me, I’m just curious I guess, who other people perceive me. \
All this may not make much sense. I’m just trying to get some thoughts out of this dumb head.
People doing this are also doing these things:
Entries
vickxy is getting back to it
I need to get back to living how i should be, this summer i’ve worked alot, drank alot and spent alot. I need to get back to uni, accademic work and doing stuff for CND and Amnesty intrernational, generally i just need to behave a whole lot more and drink a whole lot less
i guess i reached a point I wanted to reach. There’s more to do, it’s a life long journey …
vickxy is getting back to it
I need to start doing this more, at the moment i’m being really selfish, spending my money stupidly on make-up, clothes and drinking. I’m drinking far too much, i need to focus alot more on this goal i think!
I am so proud of myself totally! I have been so good lately! I think I’m going to reward myself with a little treat next pay check, and go out and play some Dance Dance Revolution!!! :D
grlnxtdr thinks it will all work itself out
Staying home. Going to bed, staying out of trouble.
when your 19 years old and your husband has to take away your favourite computer game just to get you to pick up your room theres a problem, especially if you throw a temper-tantrum. i also feel guilty about the fact that i’m very disrespectful to him if he asks me to do one thing i do the opposite just to see what will happen. whats worse is i kinda treat God the same way. anytime that i have any kind of athority figure i just fight and fight and fight until they give up on me. either that or I just run away. thats why i didn’t finish shcool, thats why my parents couldn’t do anything with me, I quit all my jobs, and theres alot of other stuff but now that i’m an adult and no body can tell me what to do i feel kinda empty and unaccomplished, so I wanna be good. I want to stop making fun of people and pushing people away I don’t want to be a selfish brat anymore.
