This helps so much! It is so easy to remember and calms me quickly. 6 years ago
I love this! When I start stressing, all I have to think of is this sentence. It is so true. 7 years ago
But I think I have gotten to the place where I remind myself of this pretty routinely. I slip, I get back up, but I really have taken away a lot of the guilt at perceiving myself as behind, un-caught-up, hence lacking, incompetent, etc, and therefore a generally sorry-ass pissant.
You jump in where you are and you start doing and that’s that. 8 years ago
went to bed late… got up late…five phone messages… have made bed but not showered, eaten, talked to played with and fed the kitten kats nor done my morning (Oh! MORNING? What’s that? meditation. Why? Waylaid by computer and… you know the drill.
Deep breath, FF. You are exactly one breath, one small series of moves, between this place of self-critical indolence and LEAPING into action and creating a productive day you’ll feel good about before it’s through. So do it. Shower, breakfastm etc… work… work-out. You know what it takes to get your head and heart and self straight.
If I really look at the emotion underlying this apparent laziness (which reallys it isn;t; it’s more like kicking kitty litter over the stuff I don;t want to see and feel) I find: ANXIETY.
Me: Ah, hello old friend. What are YOU on about now?
Anxiety: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT MONEY?
Me: Well, you know I have thousands coming in owed by APG.
Anx: Yes but WHERE IS IT?
Me: I don’t know, but I have called J to ask and they have payed before and will again, so chill. Also, they have more assignments they want from me and they know that if I doin’t get paid soon, I’ll stop working for them.
ANX: Yes, but what if it doesn’t come?
Me: It will. It always has. I haven’t gone down yet.
ANX: But don’t you think 53 is just a leeeeeetle bit OLD to be hanging on the edge like this?
Me: screwing up and making good, doing well and doing poorly, up, down, day to day… these things have no time-table, much as we would like to believe. Yeah, I’d be happier with a nice fat IRA and a year’s living expenses in the bank… But a lot of people who thought they HAD it got it ripped out from under them one way or another…
ANX: Leave it to you, justify your torpor with some big-ass philosophical thing…
Me: I could go on, but I am not engaging with you any more right now, Anx. I’ve got work to do!
ANX: But what about MEEEE?
Me: The only way you go away is if I set you aside and ignore you and spring into…
Because… I am not behind. I can jump in wherever I am, at any time! YAYYYYY ME! 8 years ago
FairlyFearlessPlan B, part 4 (see entries 13, 2, 3, 4, & 5 previously, in that order, to follow the Plan B trail)
If I’m not behind, if I truly KNOW that, I can jump in and solve wherever I am, guilt-free and happy. I like this!
Okay, now to goal # 21… 8 years ago
I may not be behind, but I am in danger of Spacing Out, Not Taking Care of Myself, and Spending Time on Actions Which Do Not Serve Me and Will Only Make Me Feel Bad About Myself!
Jumping in time.
Splash! 8 years ago
1) “There is no Flywagon to fall off of.” (For those unfamiliar with Flylady it’s http:www.flylady.com )
and 2) another way to word this might be “find a balance between pushing / motivating myself to change and/or get things done and self-acceptance,”( i.e., not ‘beating myself up’ in the common phrase.)
It occured to me that over and over and over on 43T, including in my own entries, I see we all have goals like “stop procrastinating” “stop wasting time” “Lose 30 pounds” RIGHT ALONGSIDE “love myself” or “accept myself” or “stop being so hard on myself.”
Surely there has to be a balance between these two modes.
Hmmm. I send a valentine to anyone out there who’s trying to find this balance. 8 years ago
as I cleaned up the 3 pound sack of organic sugar the cats had managed to knock onto the floor, the counter, the kitchen desk, the cracks in the floor, the magazines and books on the kitchen desks, and somehow, all the shelving below the counters…
Such is life, in part. 8 years ago
Like right now! Like get off the computer and do some stuff in real life?
Okay. Good advice.
This would also fall under the “live what you know” category.
Come on, girl, you may not be behind, but… time’s a-wastin’ .
Okay, so goodbye, and see y’all later! 8 years ago
a baby step! 8 years ago
Late night last night, but got up early, went to yoga, came back, did a few things, napped and even though it was longer than I would have hoped did not do my internal “oh you’re such a flake” number but rocked and rolled and got stuff done and am feeling pretty good right now. 8 years ago
when I got up toooo late this morning (well, I live in the country and the mice woke me up in the middle of the night!) I FLUNG myself out of bed, repeated the words of this entry, and actually had a productive day anyhow!
I say, good for you, self.8 years ago
FairlyFearlessNow HOW did I let myself get sucked into the computer before completing my a.m. routines?
Oh, the shame.
No! I am NOT behind!
The bed is made, the contact lenses in… hmm, now to get off of this durned seductive cybermonster, meditate, eat breakfast, shower, dress “to the shoes”, and get to work (however tardily… I’m self-employed, so it’s not actually tardy as such so I can just stop running THAT little tape).
A la www.flylady.com. FLY= Finally Loving Yourself.
That does not mean “loving yourself after you’ve..” whatevered. Lost 10 pounds, gotten up at 6:00, etc. It means RIGHT NIW.
Can I say I love my go-to-sleep-at-3:30-a.m., get-hooked-by-the-computer, sometimes-ignore-the-things-that-I-know-make-me-feel-good self?
Yes, I can.
Will I? Do I?
Working on it.
Aw, go on, FF. Say “I love myself.” Now out loud. Okay. Now was that so hard? Well, yeah, kind of. Felt stupid. I said it, but do I believe ui? Only sometimes. So, FF, your love for yourself is CONDITIONAL? Gues so. Hmmm… and where is that at?
I love myself. My imperfect, flawed self, just as I am. Plus, the self that yearns to rise and now what conditions are helpful and sometimes does them and sometimes not.
But is going to do them now and check back in later and give herself a cheer.
(Dear 43T-person who may be reading this… I hope you enjoyed this little conversation between myself and myself and myself and myself and…) 8 years ago
... on a snowy morning after not nearly enough sleep.
Going to have breakfast, then nap, then get up and start over again. And when I do, say,m “I am not behind…” 8 years ago
why do I make myself feel like I am so often?
It’s the not-good-enough, not-good-enough thing.
I am ready for it to stop.
Am I ready to stop it? To say, “Enough?” To praise what I did do instead of moan about what I didn’t do or “have to” get done?
(Am I turning into my mother?) 8 years ago
This is my version of a quote from www.flylady.com, a great free site on organizing and housekeeping and deckluttering, step by step, a little at a time. Incredibly helpful: an online coach. Very downhome, mid-America spirituality; great advice, part cheerleader part drill-sargent. Hard to imagine anyone who wouldn’t benefit from at least some of her points, IF they actually paid attention. 8 years ago