get right with God

:)

I just feel cut off and would like some sense of him.

Maybe I’ll start with some Bible study, meditation, whatnot.

God has done so much for me in my life as a whole. I am so blessed I couldn’t even begin to list all the countless blessings that he has bestowed on me. I have grown into someone I actually love being and I know all this is due to him but a struggle I have always had is with doing things that are of the world and contray to God’s will. I have been able to give up some of these things but I still struggle daily with srattling the fence. Lately all signs have been pointing to completely surrendering… I’m scared… what kind of person am I getting ready to become and what kind of person will I be if I don’t?

I have found a church in my new neighborhood and plan to make my way over there this weekend. I feel like I owe this to myself, but it’s been so long since I attended church I’m almost afraid to walk through the doors. It’s sad how afraid I am to take the first steps in accepting God back into my life, but I’m trying really hard.

...And I know what He has done for me and know what He will do for me. I just have to turn from my ways and do what I know is right. Instead of disobeying Him – as if He doesn’t know what I’m doing. I must not dwell on things of the past, deal with issues of the present and strive towards the goal which lies ahead.

Am I rebellious? Why am I not walking with God? Am I lazy? Part of my problem is that I feel like perfection is expected at my church. My inlaws are the preachers at the church and they live a very good life and they honor God in all ways. In some ways I guess I am holding onto the world (shame). I don’t know how to grow – it just seems like I should be as dedicated and pure as the rest of my church and family. Help me Jesus.

I try and try to get right with God but every time i feel like i am right with him i do something that makes me slip away.I will never stop trying but i hope when he comes back that i am right with him and if im not that he knows i am really trying my hardest.

because i’m coming and going with him. i want to be able to sit quietly long enough to hear what he’s trying to say.

because life for lived for myself is getting old…because I’m out of touch with my spirit when I’m out of touch with the spirit of the Creator…because my loved ones suffer when I am so self absorbed…