i suck… been thinking bout the hotel thing… and much as i want to do it… i just really cant justify such an expense for no reason. even tho i would enjoy it, it seems pointless, and a bit of a waste of money. if i dont need to be doing something important in london that i can stay overnight for.

so not gonna do that now… will stick with my cornwall time away which is definately worth it… and book a few days off and enjoy being by the sea. will do that for summer in a few months. 4 months ago

my initial idea of going to cornwall next week… whilst i love it and would love to do it… i think it will have to wait… the main reason is that it is super duper cold right now… and we are set to get a bit of snow soon… and no doubt rain and wind and all sorts of horrible weather… and thats just down here… so can only imagine what it will be like in the coastal town of cornwall. so basically i dont want to go there in such crappy weather… cos will end up sitting in my hotel room or restaurants too much. i wanna be able to go there and enjoy walking along the beach on a summers day… and enjoy being outdoors that kind of thing… therefore i have decided to do that in summer now.

but… i still wanna get away next week… soooo… have decided i will stay in london for 2 nights… at a chic boutique hotel close to paddingtonstation which is my main station i get off to catch the tube to college… so will stay there and still go to college all week… but spend 2 nights at this gorgeous hotel. it also has a gym so i will be making sure to use that facilitie! :)))

havent booked it yet because i havent quite decided on the dates yet. not sure if i wanna be there on my own on valentines day… eating out alone and staying there alone… but at same time… thinking i must just embrace it and im treating myself on valentines day. there are lots of bars and restaurants about… so can go to those. also wanna see if there is a local spa nearby cos i wanna see if i can fit in a massage session at some point… so yeah basically get away to treat myself a bit, do a bit of soul searching… and be my own date on valentines day… and jsut enjoy spending a couple of nights in a gorgeous boutique hotel.

this may seem vain… but i think i deserve something nice… i put others before me, ive had my heartbroken more times than i care to remember, felt the pain of rejection, spent many a night in tears, over men, weight issues, self esteem issues etc felt the pain of depresion and work really long crazy hours sometimes in a hard physically demanding job and a whole bunch of other things… so i think i deserve to treat myself to this little get away.

also i always do the same things, go home, go to work, go to college etc seldom anything different or exciting beside meeting the odd friend/family member for lunch or something. so i wanna get away and do something that i wouldnt normally do for a change. dont have anyone else to share these treats with and im sure as hell done waiting for someone to walk into my life so that i can finally have a partner to do things with… so i date myself and i do it alone… for me… cos its what i want. i am not gonna put my life on hold waiting for “maybes” so yeah… i am not single… im dating myself and happily so :) 4 months ago

what im thinking of doing next week toget away…

i wanna go to cornwall… to get there will go by sleeper train overnight.

just looking at days and options and gonna look for accomodation too.

this is what im thinking about. pretty excited. hope i can make it happen. 4 months ago

called me into the office today saying i still had 10 days annual leave i needed to take before the end of march and asked me if i could give him the dates i wanted before the end of the day.

so thought aobut it and then decided week commencing mon 11 feb right through till sun (7days) will take annual leave. its also valentines day week. think i will prob go to college all week that week. try and catch up even more on my work.

then the week before that and the 2 weeks after that week… i have booked 3 tuesdays off, as i always have mondays and weds off each week to fit in college. so i will have 3 days off in a row for 3 weeks and 1 long week off. anyway my point is i can decide and plan when i want to have 3 days off to decide to go somewhere now! i can either choose one of the mon tues wed options… or i can do it over the weekend of that long week off. so gonna start looking up where i wanna go, stuff to do there, accomodation etc and decide when. definaely want to get away for a little mini break, even if its on my own… somewhere different, possibly coastal… and jsut relax for 3 days and see the sites, date myself so to speak, will take my laptop with me so i can still access internet when im bored in hotel or whatever at nights…

will make a plan, excited about this. if i find anyone who wants to come along, they are welcome, but never seems to work out that way, everyone has their own lives and im a single gal so will do my own thing. i might even invite the folks individually or together as they might have time off too… and might be nice for them to see/do something different but will see about that. and if they want to or can be persuaded. will see. 4 months ago

a while back that the next time ive got 3 days off ina row from work… that i would go somewhere nice for those 3 days… jsut me myslef and i, unless i find someone to join me…

i have 3 days off this mon tues wed, i usually do college on mon and wed… but its flexible so i could have changed that or just not gone for the week… but besides that unfortunately i have a staff party on mon, tues have free, and then on wed i told my cousin i would join him to go watch les miserable and go out for a meal. so guess thats not happening next week now. so will just do that, go to college and gym those days. still its all cool. least i have time off work. and doing things i enjoy.

still wanna have a proper get away. thinking i should plan where i wanna go now… look up areas… as well as hotels/motels/bnbs/cottage in the area… and how to get there, so that when i do get 3 days off, then i am ready to plan it and make the bookings and calls etc.

think thats a good idea, instead of being overwhelmed at the last minute…and prob not end up going.

i think i would like to visit a seaside town. thinking… skegness, bournemouth, brighton, cornwall, something like that… need to research and look at distance. think it will be a fun project.

then i can be prepared. esp this time of year, its alot quieter now that xmas and new years is over. so have fewer hours for now, and our rotas are different each week, but i always have mon and wed off for college, so the likely hood of getting tues off isnt too far off when it is quiet. they rather have me on the busy weekends than in the beginning of the week.

so thats the current plan. 4 months ago

chance i get where i have 3 days off in a row… weekend or not… im gonna make a plan and go somewhere… even if its on my own… somewhere whre i can relax and unwind… 5 months ago

My stress and tiredness levels are peak, I’m hormonal and feel like I’m gonna explode into anger and tears at the same time.
My ex continues his yo-yo behaviour, I’m working like a slave and yet the little extra I’m making to try get out of my overdraft is going on more random extra’s, yesterday on the way to my 2nd job I had a nail in my tyre, made me late and also cost me the £10 I made the day before selling 2 of my mix cd’s. Health issues with my eyes continue, always have hassle when I’m working my security job with my contact lenses, had to remove one last night and was working with limited vision in a cold, dark park.
Last week I found a lump in my breast, Dr is sending me for a scan and maybe biopsy too to find out what it is. This is scary, my mom died of ovarian cancer at 32. I’ve also noticed another change in the same breast for over 6 months but thought nothing of it. I can only hope it’s not bad.
But who knows.
I’m at work, on the edge, snappy with students, sending long texts to my ex who says he’s there for me, but in my eyes he isn’t, I’ve got no tolerance at all, I may well be going overboard at him, but some of it he deserves. I get jealous of him paying attention to other women a lot right now, I don’t feel attractive or anything of use to anyone.
This is the only place I can be open without someone knowing who I am. This may all sound negative, but I’ve got to honour how I feel truthfully.
I know being hormonal is making things 10 times worse.
anyway, enough typing. I need to get away..far away. 7 months ago

do this in the 2013. 7 months ago

by this video Anywheres better

i quite like the idea of getting away for a few days on my own, jsut to get away from it all… and have a breather and think about things, as well as checking out the town im visiting.

if i had a car and was a confident driver this would be so easy, but guess i would prob bus it like the girl in the vid. or train it.

id go probably somewhere near the ocean cos im missing the sea and salty fresh air. pity its not summer here now. going into winter now. will prob leave this for next year when the weahter is better. needs to be nice weather. sunshine therapy is needed. i need to bask in the sun, feel the warmth. plus im going to my home country in a couple of weeks for a holiday soon… then back to work and xmas and new year and busy busy and snow snow snow… so will wait for the new year… when things are less crazy.

book a cheap hotel/bnb for a few days, check out the town, people watch, think about things, enjoy and explore my surroundings… get some reading done. contemplate life. enjoy some good food. id go on my own… cos i wanna reflect on things. it might be lonely… but im used to that. it would prob be nice to share this with some one, but i have no one to share it with. besides i think this would be a soul searching trip.

as long as the weather is nice… and where ever i go, it has a nice view… ideally near the sea

i think i actually need this. 7 months ago

I wanna move and go live in Canada, don’t know how I’m gonna manage it but God willing….maybe it can happen 22 months ago