get rid of my insecurities

I’ve been rather baffled this week about the differences in men’s and women’s minds. Maybe this is too big of a generalization, but it seems that men and women often have quite different ideas about commitment, loyalty and relationships. But even though the ideas are different, it doesn’t mean that things couldn’t work out between men and women, there is a balance there that both can follow and be happy with. Trust is a big thing here. I know I have big trust issues with men, I haven’t exactly had great, trustworthy experiences with the men in my life before, but I’ll just have to work on that. I just need to adjust to some new ideas and think things through more. Maybe this’ll make more sense later, at least I hope so. I don’t want this to bug me so much in the future. I’m just still a bit confused now, feeling somewhat insecure.

“Welcome to a long-term relationship”, he said. It feels good, it really does. I know I can trust him, he’s loyal and ever so loving with me. That’s what I should focus on. ♥

I have been in a relationship for 3 years and he has cheated on the girls in 2 previous relationships, and i have been cheated on in previous relationships. and i’m always scared he’s going to do it to me. Every bloke looks at women but when he points out that they’ve got a nice bum or wateva it makes me look at myself and think if he likes that, what does he see in me. Always think when i’m not with him that he’s with someone else or chatting to someone else. I love him to bits but i’m scared all the time. What can i do to calm down and trust him more?

Some shadows of insecurity and weird thoughts have been pestering me at times lately, but they have only circled round my head for a very brief moment before I’ve managed to shoo them off. They’re not really a problem anymore, but they do still irritate me a great deal when they surface. They really make me wonder why I’m feeling a certain way. But the good side of this is that I’ve gotten very talented at talking sense to myself and reasoning my way out of these bouts of odd feelings. And nowadays, for the majority of my days, I don’t have to worry about battling insecurities so much anymore.
I guess everyone has their share of nagging feelings that just don’t ever really go away fully, but it’s part of life and the key is to not let them rule over you. I’ve been doing good at that and I’m very proud of myself for that. :)

But I’ve only been concentrating on one ‘field’ of my insecurities recently – not all of my insecurities deal with relationship stuff. That has indeed been important for me to fix and since I’ve done so well at it, I should try my hand at fixing some of these other insecurities I have as well. More about those at a later time~

Been doing very, very well with this lately. :)
^{Of course the insecurities aren’t totally gone yet, but still I can see what a huge improvement there has been. Actually, the insecurities annoy me even more now when they do surface, because I wish they were all gone. But I’ll get there, I’m feeling very positive.}

I’m just not entirely sure if I should. Insecurities can come back pretty fast, and we never know how or when. For now though, I’m pretty secure and confident. Feeling good in general! So I guess I’ll mark it as done. Will happen what will happen next.

I don’t know what happens, and I can’t explain it. Well… maybe just talking to some people helps! Like for example… I’ve been feeling insecure about some people being disappointed in me, or what I did, and not liking me, and being dishonnest and all…

Seems like I’m just being paranoid, once in a while. I am annoying my own self, and I am so patient! I can’t even imagine how annoying I can be for other people, sometimes. I’m sorry for that. Thinking of one person in particular right now…

I hope I can keep up that way. I can’t say I’m perfectly confident about myself, I’m just a realistic guy who knows his qualities and flaws. But at least, I think I can allow myself to believe that some people succeed in appreciating me a little sometimes. Which is cool, I need that.

I can’t handle life. I’m in a relationship I feel is out of my league. I get jealous about everything because he’s smarter and better looking than me. I feel I’m living in a shadow, his shadow. I’m not as smart, I don’t have as good of a body, I don’t have the same confidence, I don’t have his looks. He gets anything he wants, anything he goes after and always has perfect timing and luck. I’m fat. I’m ugly. No one ever notices me. I am limited in what I can do being a single parent. Everyday more and more I think I’m better off being on my own, taking care of my kid and myself. I’m not relationship material, I really should be alone. There’s less to be jealous of when I’m by myself. There’s nothing but my kid and me to worry about. Only I am to blame when things aren’t what I expected or went as planned. I’m lost and there’s mirrors all around showing me my every fault and why I just don’t fit in with life.

Not on the goal, though! Just giving up trying to find the reason why I was feeling so insecure today. I thought I had a good reason this morning and the more I think of it, the more I realize it’s not really THE reason.

I can’t say why I’m feeling like this. I don’t even understand it myself, I guess it’ll be hard to explain it to you. So whatever… I’m just giving up, I’ll go through it until the moment when someone will be good enough to cheer me up.

And instead of just making me feel uncomfortable or sad, it seems to be turning into some frustration, and even rage. If it ends up exploding, it won’t be nice. And I don’t know how to avoid it, neither how to calm myself down if it happens. In fact, the only way it can be avoided is if things change. And seems like they won’t, at least for now.

But I better not start getting into this.

Two whole weeks (actually a bit more) without any feelings of insecurity! Woohoo! n__n I’m loving the progress I’m making and I’m even proud of it. But I’m not doing it alone, a whole lot of credit goes to Juho, no doubt about it. ♥
I feel so goooood~
Now I can only hope that I’ll manage to keep the insecurities away during my trip, it might be a challenge. I won’t be seeing him for two weeks now, but luckily I should find the chance to talk to him every now and then. :)