I have promised myself that I will write entries for every goal on my list, or remove the goal. This was the last one on my list that had no entries; odd, because it is probably the meta-goal that is most important to me.
Also the most difficult to discuss or write about - how do I use a linear communication style to convey that which is not linear and can’t be conveyed linearly? The moment I try to capture this encompassing desire in mere words, I’ve changed it into something it isn’t. And yet, the drive to communicate it somehow is almost overhwelming - hence the libraries of writings mystics through the ages have left behind them.
How do I explain that I can throw myself into sexual adventures whole-heartedly and see no contradiction between that and regular meditation? It makes perfect sense on this side of my skin - but out there, I can imagine how confusing it must be. To me, there is no (spiritual/metaphysical/sociological) difference between reading more Rumi and throwing a sex party, or writing loving, anonymous sticky notes to leave around my community - but to 99% of those reading this, that must seem crazy.
(Rumi and other Sufis were fond of this kind of “crazy wisdom.” If I could settle on any one religion, it would probably be Sufism…)
Why do I want to self-transcend? It’s certainly not to escape the life this self has constructed - it’s way too much fun these days. The only way I can think of to embrace more of this world and all it has to offer is to get beyond the ego-clench that is “self” - to let go of those narrow concepts of “self” in favor of a much larger and more embracing definition.
That’s the call of the modern mystic - to embrace more of “God” (by any other name) while living in this world of pain and suffering, joy and bliss. No retreats into monasteries or ashrams for most of us, these days - we’re doing this right out here in the world with all its dizzying distractions. It leaves me out here in Northern California, taking guidance from God (Unusual travel suggestions, indeed!) and doing what’s in front of me to do, while simultaneously striving for a level of existence that transcends and includes my former, and smaller definitions of myself.
I want to surrender myself to mySelf…
And so I read Rumi and integral philosophy to feed my mind and soul, throw sex parties and have sexual adventures to feed my body and my spirit, list reasons I love my husband and why saying Yes to life is a good idea to feed my heart and mind and soul… waiting for the day that’s coming, when I realize I’m not living this for just me anymore. Or perhaps it’s more accurate to say that the “me” who is living all this is much more than one limited ego in a skin-suit; to know I’ve finally transcended the limitations inherent to my human condition, and live a live much larger than I can even dare dream, right now.
