crawl out of my depression alive and kicking

A few months ago, amid major stress (heavy job and money issues, getting married,getting pregnant, and days getting darker and shorter)I had my annual big fight with the ‘black dog.’ BUT – for the first time in my life using my arsenal of anti-depression weapons was just about automatic, and I started doing them as soon as I felt the slide coming on. And it ended up not being nearly as bad as it has been every other winter since I was 4 years old. So, while I will deal with this my entire life, I think I’m going to close this one. I am as well armed to fight it off as I will ever be…and am starting to feel, for the first time in probably 20 years, that life is for living and not just struggling through.

Major dose of depression last week, causing me to miss several days of work on dr’s orders. But since then, and since deciding that nothing (read: no JOB!) is worth making myself nuts over (literally, for me) I feel a lot better. The weather’s gotten better, in the 40’s and 50’s most days now, and my best friend and I decided that in a year or two we are moving south to warmer climes, maybe Texas or Georgia. that in and of itself is enough to give me hope :-)

And so is my mood. I’m still more stable than I’ve been at any point in my adult life, but now I’m just…blue, instead of severely depressed. I don’t think this is a fight I will ever be able to stop fighting.

I don’t know that this will ever be resolved, but after several months of looking at things in a much healthier light, I would call myself alive and kicking. I’ve started my new job and managed to show up on the mornings I just wanted to stay in bed, I’ve managed to keep a healthy relationship fun and not too drama-filled, and I finally bought myself some furniture and tried to make my house into a bit more of a home now that I’m in Pittsburgh, not DC.

All in all, a success. But I will keep an eye on myself. The winter blahs tend to hit me when I least expect them….

no-one who knows me no’s ive got depression so i acn only talk bout it outside of there knowledge. ive tried to commit suicide before but it didnt work although nobodies know bout it so for now im alright

anyone got any tips on how to cope???

What a difference a med makes. After a serious bout of depression earlier this year the dr changed my meds, and MAN am I feeling good. I’ve battled depression all my life, and thought I was being treated properly…and now, looking back, I wasn’t being treated well at all. I finally feel good, normal, and human again after feeling really bad for a long time. Now I’m wishing for a long, strong life instead of the short one I prayed for before.

But every year around this time- finals, the holidays, decisions to be made for the upcoming year, etc. – I slip back into my old bad habits. Lying in bed and ignoring the phone or the fact I’m supposed to be at work. Not turning in assignments because I can’t concentrate and get up the energy to work on them. Laundry, dishes, bills, and books to read pile up while I sleep the day away and eat the night away.

Once I graduate and can afford better healthcare, hopefully I can see someone about this. In undergrad, I was actually diagnosed with seasonal affective disorder- the prescription? Prozac seasonally, sunlight, and a little talk therapy to stay sane. I’m not big on drugs period, but since I don’t seem to be aging out of this problem and have a tendency to throw my life away every year around this time, it may be time to suck it up and admit it’s a problem before it’s too late.