get sterilized

I’ve spent the time thinking about it, talking about it, and imagining it…

and now I know I really want to do it!!!

I’m so excited. Now that I don’t feel stuck on the issue I can feel free to make so many other plans for my life.

of famous unchilded people in history:

http://www.childfreebychoice.com/history.htm

Now I just have to make sure I’m sure.

This involves not overanalyzing it too much. Just reflecting on/feeling out who I am and what I want for my life.

Not so cool!

They can cause serious health problems, especially if they’re a poor fit for your uterus.

More trouble than they’re worth. Back to Plan A. Getting fixed!!

I don’t want children, ever. I see beyond their initial cuteness, beyond the disturbingly egotistical feeling of their being completely dependent on you and (supposedly) loving you completely, beyond the even more insanely egotistical desire to have someone that carries on something as meaningless as genes and names and (supposedly) takes care of you in your decrepit years. Bringing a child into this overcrowded, ill world can only make things worse in the long term. All you’re creating is another problem, another person who you will gradually lose control of and who may very well become something you never expected and cannot understand.

To that end, I will have a vasectomy as soon as this is practical, so that I’m ‘shooting blanks’ and accidents cannot happen. I will probably have to do some serious medical tourism for this, so it might take a while to find the right opportunity, but I’m convinced that one day I will be able to sigh in relief and know that sex will be a purely recreational, sperm-free activity from then on.

My wife and I studied the options after our 3rd child was born (Beautiful child, but a whoopsie!) Me getting sterilized was 90% less expensive, MUCH less invasive, MUCH less chance of complications, and doable as an outpatient procedure rather than a couple days in the hostpital + home recovery.

Talking ME into having it done rather that her wasn’t too hard once we examined the risk and the expense. She also made me a few promises about some things she would do to/for me once I was all recovered (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) to put it over the top . We’ve never regretted our decision!

A lot to be said for it. Birth control used to seem so frustrating sometimes. Other times, not so much. Went for years with the not-very-foolproof pull-out-at-last-possible-moment technique. It created a little sideshow—how would it go this time?

Would I do it again? All of the reasons y’all cite are good ones. Mine was to avoid seeding anymore eggs. It would make no sense to make babies between today and the day I die. Still, sometimes I wonder if it was the right thing to do. That may just be my deep capacity for regret.

some fun links:
http://www.ninapaley.com/silversnipaward.html
http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/were-all-gonna.php

I just read an article about this American woman who kept having miscarriages and then gave birth to six babies at once. They showed a picture of her pregnant and it was probably the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen. Her belly was enormous. I’m a little ashamed of thinking that way, I think I’m a horrible person, but there’s not much I can do about it, I just can’t stand looking at pregnant women. I’m deeply sorry. Once I was in the subway and there was a pregnant woman standing next to me. I tried to walk away but there was just too many people, and there was no room. So I just got off the subway and waited for the next train. It’s ridiculous, I know, but there’s not much I can do right now. I thought about seeing a therapist, but now I think I don’t want to. I think sterilization is clearly the best option for me, I don’t want kids anyway and if I ever do, I’ll adopt, I don’t mind that the kid doesn’t look like me or something. I don’t care what people think of me, I’m sure I’ll be more comfortable that way. I’ll start working on getting sterilized when I’m like 20.

I have visited a French website about sterilization and made sure every responsible person over 18 can get sterilized. There is no law against the number of children. So technically the law is on my side. (at least when I am 18, which will be in 4 months) So yey! I sent the Essure people an e-mail and apparently there are 14 clinics which do it in Paris. I hope one of them will accept to do the procedure on a childless woman under 25. (I don’t think I’ll do this before I’m 20) If not, I’ll just visit them til they agree, or go to other cities, I honestly don’t care. I just want it done. I just want to look at pregnant women and think: “I’ll never be like them, cause I’m sterilized”.