stop running away from my problems

It’s easier and I’m used to it. I guess that must be why it’s so hard not to.

Trying to do this. It is hard. But I can say that I am trying

i keep doing it. I start out and everything is fine. Then as soon as a problem appears i want to run away. I constantly dream about living somewhere else where no one knows me and to start over. But wherever i go i run into myself.

When i do go to other places and i have the time and commitment i turn around my whole character and i am exactly who i want to be.
but when i return home i am consumed by troubles and no matter how i try i eventually give in and just sulk back into my habits. They are not bad they are just not who i am. but i feel deprived of energy because i work so much at home and i do not have the commitment nor the drive to change anymore. It is so much easier to just sit back and watch people shape my attitude the way they expect it to be. So much easier than reshaping everything my friends and people in general think of me. and despite all my efforts i eventually revert to my old habits and the way people expect me to be. i always start out with the new attitude i have built up at a new place but after a week of slaving away at something i don’t want to do and sleeping a total of 14 hours the whole week i just collapse and i cant take it anymore. Is this wrong? is there something wrong with me?

Even worse when this problem appears i become depressed and then eventually stop acknowledging it and just ignore it.
When any problem arrises i generally just block it out and refuse to acknowledge it and will do anything to keep from confronting it. They still find me anyway but by then they are even worse than they started. I once dated this guy. He asked me out four times before i finally said yes on the fifth time. On the third time i knew he was going to ask me out but i refused to admit it and denied it to all me friends that he liked me even though i saw it. Even worse i spent the whole day trying to avoid this person and in the end he still found me and asked me. i said no but felt worse than ever. Small things like this. This might not have been significant but the same thing happens with even greater things that are more important and crucial.

i just don’t know what to do anymore. i feel like giving up on this whole thing and just starting over again. then i feel like i could change everything and make it the way i want it. but the same thing will happen wherever i go.

it seems hopeless. i know it is not but i just don’t feel capable of changing it now. i just feel like pretending and doing what everyone expects.

i have just seriously ran away from something its terrible i wish i didnt :(

I have a history with this and it has always gone badly when I have done this. Anxiety increases! Time to stand and face the music as me.

It doesn’t matter how far you run, you can’t escape your fears. You have to let yourself go through a healing process. Number one step is always admitting what your problem is. Which is what is so great about this site! Next, you have to look your fears directly in the face.. and attack them head on. Force yourself to do what you thought was so impossible.