Be nicer to my husband

Ever since our “surprise” pregnancy 15 months after our last child was born, I have been very short tempered with my husband. He was gone for military training and I was left with a great deal of responsibility. When I found out I was pregnant again, I was more scared than anything because I just don’t know how we are going to make it through. I have really let my resentment grow unchecked. I know that the things he does he is doing to better our family, but I don’t feel like he understands how much I was left with while he was gone (even typing that looks bitchy), but I cared for his very disabled son and had our youngest hospitalized all while trying to care for my mom who was undergoing a second battle with breast cancer.
Now that he is home, I just want some type of acknowledgment for all that and a little bit of rest (now that I am 7 months pregnant). I am very hard on him and have very little patience with him. I love him and need him so much, but there are days that I am angry with him as soon as he walks in the door. I really need to make the effort to be a little kinder with him and treat him the way he deserves to be treated. I just don’t know how at this stage of the game. This is going to be an ongoing goal that I really need to work towards achieving.

It’s been awhile since I wrote on this-which is nice because I can see how much of a difference it has made. It’s pretty much unbelievable. I spent so much time thinking about myself as being a somewhat powerless victim of how he treats me. I would beg him and beg him to treat me with respect-for YEARS. Now, I am just sugary sweet most (not all) of the time-especially when things are stressful. It almost immediately turns things around. Even when I have to fake it. Then, a short time after the fakeness I can’t believe how genuine it is for both of us. Our marriage is better now. I don’t nag, I like my husband and he respects me. Amazing!

most laid-back, most patient person on earth. I’m probably one of the meanest, most tightly wound, and impatient. Opposites attract!

Seriously, I get easily stressed and worn out and I take out my buttoned-up aggression on him. My legendary lack of patience is particularly bothersome because he’s slow – I mean “slow” like a tortoise – in moving, in getting stuff done. I move about 3 times faster than he does. He calls it a Zen-like state. I call it poking ass! :D

Dear whoever, please help me treat my husband the way he deserves to be treated, and quit being such a nutcase. Amen.

_{feel free to skip this post if you’ve heard me singing this tune before}

OK, I’m not always a bitch. Usually I’m a pretty nice person.

But I get tightly wound. I sometimes have trouble relaxing. I imagine terrible calamities. When I’m stressed, I’m very critical of myself and others. Which sucks if you’re married to me.

For years, I took Prozac to help me be calmer. And it really worked! It was like an anti-bitch pill. Sometimes I miss it…but I’m so much more creative without it. For instance, I can barely write poetry when I’m on meds. Without Prozac, my highs are higher, too.

I think I need to focus on ways to make myself more relaxed and positive. I’m thinking…

Aromatherapy. Lavender, clary sage, etc. Candles, or linen spray.

Bubble bath.

I love making music mixes…I could put together a very happy/upbeat playlist, and a soothing new-agey playlist.

Maybe more meditation/prayer/reflection time…

I’m really determined to manage my moods better.

hopefully the week coming up will be the same…

I just read what he wrote about me…he is too good to me. I feel shaky. I think my heart is going to explode.

about this. He is the nicest guy on earth, and he deserves the best. I’m going to make a real effort in the next week to appreciate all the good things he does that I take for granted, and to be less critical of the petty things. I’ll letcha know how it goes :)

I don’t even know I am doing it. How can I stop? He gets fursious and says you always talk so mean. HOW DO i STOP IF i DON’T KNOW i DO IT. i CAN’T HAVE EMOTION IN MY VOICE OR HE THINKS IT IS MEAN. WILL I HAVE TO TALK LIKE A KINDERGATEN TEACHER EVERYDAY?

Maybe I can work on that to start with.

Talk about an outburst! I was so upset and angry about lots of things. I really love him, there are somethings that need improving but all in all he is a gnerally good guy and I like being with him.

I have had a very emotional week