get off drugs

I am just like you. I spent a long time beleiving that my life was worthless and that I was worthless. Self-destruction was my all-consuming pass-time. I took wild chances with my body and my life because the un-relenting pain I was in made death seem like peace. I did not expect to make it past 30.

I dis-respected my parents. I lied to my friends. I broke the law. I hurt people.

I am 37 years old now. I own a house, a dog, 2 cats and 2 cars. I am married to the most beautiful woman I have ever met and we are in love with each other. On July 23, 2007 I will have been sober for 5 years.

Your fear is what you are looking for, whether you know it or not.

Down in the depths of your torment, there is a fear inside of you that is preventing you from seeing the truth about yourself.

I cannot tell you what that fear is.

I can tell you that, when you are ready, (and not one second before), you will embrace that fear and see it clearly for the first time.

When you can look at it, understand it and accept it as a part of who you are, then you will be free to start healing.

I have been healing for almost 5 years now. It is worth it. You are worth it.

I don’t know where to start but I suppose I should start with saying that I have a panic disorder that can sometimes mean that I am psycalogically unable to leave the house or sometimes unable to get out of bed. It all started with a bit of fun, having weed every now and then, but friends startedc doing it more often, so I followed. Things never got to the stage that I thought that I was smoking it too much, but I do remember now that I did start to become paranoid and depressed. I had only been smoking since the age of 14 or so, till I was 16, but it did enough damage by then, so it was irreversable. I am now 22yo and have some major problems that will never escape me. I am now a hypocrite and have such an issue with people smoking weed, but it now makes me feel sick just thinking about it. Please don’t start, it is really not worth it.

I looked at my list of meds below and realized that it makes me look like a depressed epileptic with high blood pressure and migraines! Let me explain how some of them work towards migraine prevention -

The Topamax (anti-seizure med) helps make the ‘triptan’ type of migraine meds work for me. Triptan meds are the whole list of meds that you see advertised for migraines – Imitrex, Relpax, Maxalt, etc… Those drugs are ineffective for me without the Topamax. Topamax is a drug right out of hell. I wont go into details, but it takes months to get used to even a small dosage increase. The only plus is it causes weight loss.

The Verelan (High Blood pressure med) is supposed to do something. Can you believe I’m not sure of exactly what? Did I mention that Topamax causes memory loss? : ) I already had really low blood pressure before the Verelan, but my doc said that it wont affect you at all if you dont need it. Hmmmm.

The Effexor. I guess I was a little depressed. But they also give it to you anyway as a maintenance drug. They feel that stress is a huge migraine trigger. The usual dose is 75mg. I am taking 300mg. I gotta admit, I am feeling much better these days. Bollocks to you Tom Cruise.

The other drugs are pretty self explanatory

Here is what I’m on. And I am a fairly young woman. Not an old fargin’ lady. I’m on the right. But if you saw my medicine cabinet and had to guess my age, you’d say “86”

Topamax 150mg – daily maintenance – is an antiseizure med
Verelan 300mg – daily maintenance – is a high blood pressure med
Effexor 300mg – daily maintenance – is an antidepressant
Trinessa – daily maintenance – birth control
HGH – supplement – Human Growth Hormone
One-a-Day – supplement – vitamin
Relpax – 80mg – migraine med – as needed
Celebrex – 400mg – painkiller – as needed
Stadol – nosespray – as needed
Colace/Dulcolax – daily

It’s not what you think. I get migraines and am on a whole slew of medications. I would like to wean off of some of them? Hopefully? Most of them are daily maintenance meds and over the counter vitamins and such. A few of them are for bad headaches. I suppose the only way to get off the drugs is for the headaches to go away. So, this ‘thing’ is just ‘wishful thinging’

I’ve been in treatment for a while. It’s time to move on. But out in the real world, that’s when my resolve will be tested