speak my truth

25% of people I meet are not going to like me at all, ever
25% of people I meet are going to love me right away
25% of people I meet will dislike me at first and warm up later
25% of people I meet will like me at first and then not like me at all

and that’s just fine.

I hae recently lost my franchise owner, been promoted to manager of my store, and gotton a new district manager. Today he created a situation among me and my management team which I deamed both counter-productive and uncomfortable. I just wrote him a wonderful letter telling him that, and asking if I just misunderstood his intent. It felt scary and good at the same time.

I want to be truthful about my feelings when appropriate and directed appropriatley without fearing the outcome.

Fear still keeps me off in the distance sometimes. I have fallen off but am now doing so again.

is it necessary to speak the truth.?

speaking my truth appears more difficult than being true to myself.

the next step is to live it, and to find both the courage and the strength to live it every day without succumbing to the pressure and getting sucked back down.

That’s the hard bit. :)

except that I am having a hard time continueing to do this. I have however started and am doing so more frequently.

with my mom. always pussyfoot around her because you cannot be straight about something that you disagree with her about (or at least I can’t and ditto most the time for most of us, her family) without a huge, guilt-trip enducing, emotional backlash.

which i have just experienced. but for once decided not to back down, or apologise. just to be honest. and you know sometimes the truth is harsh or ugly and yet it still needs to be said. that was the situation just now.

needless to say she has slammed upstairs to weep on her bed or maybe to write an angry entry in a journal or to pray. i know it will be days before the dust settles. well so be it.

for the first time in a long time i swore pretty hectically not at her but into the situation. i am so frustrated from keeping my mouth shut for years and cowtowing to her martyrdom, her poor me tactics, her always right-ness. i love her too much to not be myself with her anymore.

remembering to check;
is it true
is it kind
is it neccessary.

esp. the last one. my truth should not be spoken with the intention of hurting someone, unless i feel that them knowing the truth is kind in the long run even if it hurts initially.

but most the time my truth is not about other people, it’s being honest about who i am.