“You are not the one who filled your mind with negative thoughts, criticisms, blame and guilt. These thoughts were planted by someone else, by other people. And to make it worse, even though people caused you to develop social anxiety, it is you who has to deal with it now.” 4 days ago

Still a work in progress but I feel that I’m getting there. Today’s I’ve been watching a lot of teachings by Eckhart Tolle and recently finished his book Practising the Power of Now, which is the key to completing this goal: living in the present moment, accepting what is and eliminating resistance, as it will only fuel your ego and pain. I guess there’s no point where anxiety is suddenly finished with, but this route definitely makes a lot more sense than any therapy. 3 months ago

I’ve always had anxiety but it has been at an all time high since my(fairly new) boyfriend abruptly became distant at Christmas and then broke up with me on New Years Eve. I lost 6 pounds in a week and had an anxiety attack every day. The doctor prescribed me xanax but I really can’t function on it. I really cant function with anxiety attacks either. I just cant stop thinking about how perfect everything was and how his actions were nothing short of amazing…and then they werent. I dont understand how you tell someone that you make them the happiest they’ve ever been and make plans for the future and then end it after one disagreement (his excuse). If I can just stop thinking about the person I thought he was and analyzing the relationship then maybe I can move on and feel better. Everyone I talk to says its not me, its him. He isnt mature enough, drinks too much, wants to hold onto his youth…
I have to stop thinking about how I feel and think about what I deserve. 4 months ago

Well, I started to pray again – in a different way. In a real and true faith way. That would be the biggest thing. Then I started to go to church. I have nothing between my wife and I – we are on the same page and I have given her my entire trust. That really helped!
I do not drink, not a drop. It was nothing but anxiety. I don’t drink coffee anymore, once in a while I may have coffee or decaf, but I try to even avoid that.
I am going to try to take sugar out as much as possible, I just react to stimulants so strong! 4 months ago

Remember there is always another way of looking at a situation. 5 months ago

I called the behavioral health clinic that I used to go to about a year ago. I explained to them how bad my anxiety has gotten from my ongoing health issues that I have been dealing with (you can read my latest entry about this over here). My anxiety has gotten so bad that I barely leave the house anymore, especially since I’ve been feeling so terrible. They told me that they do make exceptions and will do home visits. This is such great news as I know there is no way that I can sit in the waiting room without getting antsy and freaking out. I do have to go down there for another intake appointment but after that we can do the home visits.. and they do CBT! Hopefully this will help ease some of the horrible anxiety/depression I have been experiencing and get me feeling a little better again. 5 months ago

It’s chronic, it comes and goes but hardly ever a week goes by without feeling it. Been dealing with it for more or less ten years now. People don’t know about it, they don’t even see it but it makes me 50% of the person I’m.

I notice myself start monitoring everything I say. I start interpreting peoples words and actions far too seriously. I start feeling really tense, my facial expression turns angry. Something tells my body and mind to prepare for the worst. I feel disconnected and want to get away from everyone.

I’ve never really been able to stop an anxiety attack. I kind of need to reboot my brain in order to feel normal again. Sleeping helps, getting really drunk – the day after is better, or sometimes just being alone helps.

I’ve been having anxiety attacks for so long now that I can’t really spot the real trigger for them. It almost seems that the fear of the anxiety attack is a trigger itself.

I did 2,5 years of intense psychotherapy. Found some things in my past that I haven’t really dealt with. Found a pattern of behaviour which explains how I have ended up where I am. Should have probably continued the work but needed a break.

Tried out a few different antidepressants during the psychotherapy and after it – they didn’t really help.

This is really the reason I came back to 43things. I was surprised how many of the things I had written here had actually moved forward. One of them was working on my mental health – I really think writing the goal here was one of the triggers that got me to a psychiatrist in the first place.

I’m hoping that actively deciding to work against my anxiety will help me find new ways to deal with it. Just want to find a way to kick this anxiety’s ass once and for all. 5 months ago

when people don’t understand… 5 months ago

Since I have anxiety; it’s typical that I’d have insomnia as well. Last night as well as the night before last did not go well for me. I was sleepless for two nights in a row (meaning I was awake for 48 hours!). It was no fun and I was very frustrated as well as emotional. I had one thing throw off my sleep schedule..and it’s going to sound really silly when you read my story!

Since I was up all night working I had started the laundry after getting home around 5:30am. Normally I would have just let it wait but I had to wash my daughters school shirts so she had something to wear. So I was in bed (thinking of course) when I remembered that I had to get back up to put the clothes from the washer into the dryer. I remembered this about 15 minutes after I had gotten into bed. I get up, put the clothes in the dryer, and get back into bed. Well, before I know it the alarm is going off and I have to get my daughter up to get ready for school.

So I got out of bed again (I laid there maybe 30 minutes), made her breakfast, did her hair, and walked her to the bus stop. By the time I got home and got in bed again, I was a lost cause. I could not fall asleep and was awake the whole day. Night rolls around again and by then I was way too anxious/jittery to sleep again!

Needless to say I did finally fall asleep very late into the night/early morning. Moral of the story – do NOT do laundry before attempting to sleep! :( 6 months ago