write my screenplay.

I really have to find a way to keep my momentum up for this.

I went to the library over the weekend, but felt so blah and uninspired. I need to remember that I just don’t write well in public, no matter how much I want to get out of the apartment. And getting out of bed later than I’d planned really threw my plans off.

The wonderful scenes have stopped coming. I think it has to do with my feeding my fears and doubts and putting up a blockade to creative thinking. It started with the disappointment of no one answering my inquiries for help with research (I may revisit that and see if I can come at it from a different angle) and then the whole “people suck, why bother with this” attitude that followed.

So, I’m over the grandiose idea that I’m going to make it big with this (it was fun to imagine though) and I’m back to writing this any way I can, just so I can move on already.

But I do still care about this, and I’m going to do my best with it. There is no point in doing it if it’s just an “eh” effort.

Doubts are starting to gather. Sometimes this project just feels like a big patch of quicksand.

A little frustrating, experts I’ve contacted aren’t all that quick to assist in research. I think I’ll just have to do the best I can on my own. I have a decent base of knowledge to work with, and I’ve gotten some important details.

I just have to keep this thing alive.

Make a start on my great screenplay, the world is waiting!

I sent a bunch of questions to an expert to run some plot points by him to check for authenticity. I was a little intimidated and doubtful about my questions sounding intelligent, since it is a field that I’ve only recently begun to research. I was prepared for a response like “Do a little more research on the basics and then get back to me and try again with your questions.”

But, I guess they passed muster, because he replied with a lot of helpful, in-depth information. I’m pretty excited.

I just need to figure out what it all means now, be sure to thank him, and wait for responses from others. In the meantime, need to keep writing.

a few more pages, and contacted two experts to inquire about answering some plot questions.

another person I’d contacted returned my email with a lot of helpful info.

working out the main hypothesis of the plot.

Only took 45 minutes this morning, but it was a great session.

30 pages now.

Seems silly that I was freaking out so much about this. Things are going very well, knock on wood. Can’t remember the last time I enjoyed doing something that resembles work so much.

Up to 28 pages now.

Even using a spare hour in the morning before work, I am able to get quite a bit done. It’s much better than laying in bed for two hours, listening to the radio.

Just figured it was time, and got 10 pages done. It’s slooooow going, and I totally freaked for an hour just trying to sit down to start it. But I got 10 pages done. 10 real pages.

revisiting this goal now, having a little more perspective.

The way to look at this is not as an entire work, or number of pages, but 1 1/2 hours of time to fill with a story.

15 minutes for one part. Fifteen for another. Etc.

I remember giving speeches in college that had to last fifteen minutes, and I freaked out wondering how I’d fill all that time. Then I’d receive a low grade because I’d gone way over the limit.

Many of the things I am afraid of are baseless. (I have to save that wasted energy to face the ones that aren’t.)