damn it! 8 months ago
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Sunday, Aug 12th, 2012—You might be reconsidering your life’s direction in a way that gives you a deeper perspective. Sometimes it’s challenging to think clearly when your emotions are stirred, but you have a chance today to be passionate while still being logical. Don’t try to make any long-term decisions now; just let your mind meander through the various scenarios and mull over all the possibilities 10 months ago
I have felt more uncomfortable in my own skin than ever… 10 months ago
::Hold on it may be a bumpy ride::
Ever have an anxiety attack last say more than 5 mins?10 months ago
How I did it: Being numb is never a good feeling. It isn't even a feeling. It's a state, it's this state of feeling stagnant, of feeling frozen in a mindset. Okay, I guess that sort of sounds like a feeling. But it is not a very good one. It is one that I hope you, reader, never experience, because life is too beautiful and short to live like that.
Well, I rediscovered my channels of expression. I listened to songs that reflected how I felt, no matter how weird, corny, sappy, or emo they may have been. I drew how I felt- let's just say I have a lot of depressing looking pictures in some of my sketchbooks now. I wrote about my feelings, too. I also went and talked to a counselor about my feelings, and she helped me pinpoint exactly what I was feeling too. I was angry at people in my life, and circumstances beyond my control.
Then, I had to start showing my feelings. It wasn't always easy to show people when I wasn't happy. I got angry a lot, and I had to verbally tell others what I was feeling. And while it was weird at first, it really helped my communication with others, which was another issue I had because oftentimes people don't communicate with me well. Or maybe I don't.
Read how I did it… 2 years ago
where you can just scream?!!
It’s one thing after the next… people’s stupidity is it today! I can’t take no more!! 11 months ago
this last week or so. I thought I was having a sinus cold thing going on. Last week Thursday, I felt bad or what I what I thought was bad. It seemed like it was settling in my ears. I went to the doctor yesterday morning. I am blessed to have found one that starts as early as I do. I was able to get in at 7:30am. It looks like I have a nasty ear infection that has affected my sinuses. Why is it that when you actually know what it is you become more whiney?!! I do not make a good sick person. Glad I was able to get some meds for this and on my way to feeling better. 13 months ago
to a close friends of mine. Our families have been close for ages and this morning Kelley, their sister, lost her fight to cancer. We have been through a lot together. It’s a very sad day for all. :( 14 months ago
day CrunchyBread wrote an entry that was very personal. Her entry has been on my mind all week, it was for the strength and courage that she found to write at a moment when she didn’t feel she had the strength to do so. In that I was reminded that I too have that inner strength, that when in the middle of what you think is despair, there is this inner strength that will carry you when you are unable to carry on. I found this profoundly inspiring, to me that kind of inspiration that reaches down to the depths of your toes.
It is within the courage that Crunchy has shown that I feel the need to write this and put it out there into the universe.
For you folks that follow me, know that lately I have been talking more about my ex. Here is the background- Three years ago I met a man, who I thought became the love of my life. I did not know that he was a con artist/sociopath until the end of December of last year. In the beginning of our relationship, I fell hook, line and sinker for him. Then things started not to add up, stories were told that ended up being lies and in the end, this guy was up to no good. He has lied and stolen from not only me, my son but others too. His path is wide as it is long. I started the drive to have him pay for some of the wrongdoings he committed. He has been incarcerated since the beginning of this year.
I have been wonderfully blessed with family, friends IRL and friends here at 43T that have been here for me. I refuse to let this chapter define who I am. I will no longer stay quiet when I know my voice should be heard.
In this last half of this chapter, I must face him again in court. This is where I pull that strength that I talked about above. I must call on this strength to be able to do the things I need to do. I must say the things I need to say, in hopes that the future victims will have something or at least that is what I am hoping.
There are many times in our lives where someone will say or does something to touch your heart. Most of the time that person will never know they did. Crunchy, you have done that for me. You are such a beautiful person. Thank you does not seem to be enough.14 months ago
happened much quicker than I thought it would. I am in my new place, just me, the computer on a desk and tv with cable.
I called a cleaning service to come in and clean the place for me. The they were not able to get it cleaned before I received the keys as they had promised. The beautiful cleaning ladies have come in and made a messing situation much bearable for me. If I could give them my first born I would!! It was something that I was not able to do myself. (everyone has their breaking point this was mine). 15 months ago
there is a small annoyance that I need to put somewhere cause I don’t want to carry it any more. As all the craziness has and still is revealing itself there are things the ex did that just annoy me. Because of his mental illness(he does not see it as that) he takes things as he wishes with no regards to what it means to the other person. The example that is running through my head is there was a coin from a childhood memory I had. I had kept it in a box of little treasured memories. I had noticed it out by his things on the computer desk. I had mentioned to him at the time that I had one just like this and told him of my memory. He said there was a place like that near his house too. I thought nothing of it until I was packing, I looked in the little box and it was missing. Why on earth would you take something little like that, it meant nothing to him?!! I suppose someone with no conscious or felt remorse would… 16 months ago
This crazy train that I have been riding for a while now doesn’t seem like it will stop anytime soon. So for in the best interest of myself. I need to jump from the train as it goes by at full speed.
My ex’s web has so many people entwined in it. I found out today that there are a lot more that were after me and the two other victims I found. The analogy of how you think of yourself big in your own world but when you think in terms of you in the world, you are rather small, like an ant.
I am so angry right now. I have every right for all that I have been through in the last year. I need to let it go so I can move on with my life, hence this entry. I need to jump off the train to protect myself. 16 months ago
victim some more and if she still moves a little bit… kick her again. It is just f’ed up the way the judicial system works. 17 months ago
isn’t it a wonderful thing that you can use on yourself?!!
Not… I was going through somethings that I had written down about things/questions I had that were going on in the relationship I thought that we had. Boy was I right on the money… 17 months ago
i am a robot.
and can’t remember how is it to feel?????????????????????????? 21 months ago