Get A Life

I have no friends, no hobbies and just do not know what to do. Bad preconditions to get a life… :/

This morning I woke up and realized that the reason why I always date guys with no lives is because I HAVE NO LIFE. And when they do have a life, I feel like they are ignoring me.

Computer. “Studying”. Sleeping. That is what I do.

Pathetic. I have lived too long feeling this way. It’s time for a change.

And still no life! Lame, I know. I don’t think it’s impossible since I had a life once, just really, really hard. I don’t even know where to begin. Because I’ve been in solitude for so long I’ve noticed some pretty dramatic changes in how I look, feel and think.

At first I thought I was doing OK, but after looking at my self on my webcam I noticed I look “wrong”. I talk to my self pretty frequently now which I guess is kind of weird, and I’ve taken to writing long conversations back and forth with my self which I guess is also pretty weird. Basically, in all this time I’ve spent by my self I’ve become one big weirdo. I guess I have the internet to thank for keeping me semi-sane. (Forums, IRC, blogs, etc)

Don’t really know how I’m going to go about this whole getting a life thing anymore, I’ve been thinking about smashing my computer, game consoles, TV, etc just so I have to force my self to do something else. But last time I didn’t have access to any of those things I just slept the whole time so it seems kind of pointless.

I am fucked.

I was on myspace and I was looking at people whoi use to go to school with and I notices that they all moved on , and here I was doing the same thing and just wasting my life away , and I don’t want to do that , But I just don’t know how

Hopefully once I get to college I will be able to cross this goal off of my list. New people, new environment..maybe something will spark and I will finally find adventure in my life..or at least something to do.

This entry has nothing to do with getting a life, at least I don’t think it does. I want to post this so people read it. I never write in my journal anymore, I would rather have strangers discover my secrets, not worried about what might be said.

I have realized that this past summer has gotten very out of hand. I turned 19 three days ago. And five days ago, I had sex for the first time, completely unprotected. I regret that I made the choice while we were both under the influence of alcohol. Now I am dealing with the fact that I might be pregnant with a guy that is pretty much a stranger to me.

Never have I thought so hard of my future and try to figure out how a child would fit into my life. I want to go to college, and I know that it will be difficult it this mistake becomes a child. I haven’t even started thinking about what I would do if I am pregnant..the choices that I will have to make…to keep the baby, or give it up for adoption.

Never have I thought so hard about what I want to do with my life. But now I know. I want to help girls who are in the situation I am in right now. I want to be able to help them through these situations when they feel like no one is there for them. On the morning after the night I lost my virginity, I wanted nothing more than to talk to an adult female and simply ask what I should do. After hours of being alone, and talking to friends my own age, I decided I had no other choice that to take the morning after pill. i did, but I am still worried.

That last night, 5 days ago was the end of my summer, for me at least. I went through many nights of driving around at midnight, egging houses as a prank with my friends. One is a girl that is my best friend. The others are two boys that I became friends with this summer. Me and my best friends had a competition this summer…to see how many boys we could kiss.
She got 7. I got 9. The two boys we hung out with were two of mine. One of them, I had a huge crush on. He is one of the sweetest boys ever, but due to his pranks, I almost got arrested. But the blame was on all four of us. And I only blame myself. The two boys have left for college. Great schools, too. My best friend is moving away to another state with her family next month.

So maybe the reason I am writing this is because I am alone. I am facing the fact that my friends are leaving me. And I am stuck here at community college. And I am dealing with the fact that I might be pregnant, and be even more stuck than before. I do not want that. But I will trust fate.

A couple weeks ago, I couldn’t be alone. I always wanted to go out and party and drink…even if it was on a tuesday. I wanted to hook up with the guy that was nearest me. I would not be able to go to sleep unless I hung out with my friends first and did something…anything.

But now, I am over that. I guess it was a summer phase. Not wanting to go home…meeting friends that you can’t live without. I miss my friends dearly, and I am trying to be happy for them, although honestly, I am mad at them. But that is only because I am mad at myself for not leaving too. Which is why I plan to go off somewhere in January. Hopefully I can save some money, work hard, and be able to move with my best friend.

I need to experience life.

This entry has nothing to do with getting a life, at least I don’t think it does. I want to post this so people read it. I never write in my journal anymore, I would rather have strangers discover my secrets, not worried about what might be said.

I have realized that this past summer has gotten very out of hand. I turned 19 three days ago. And five days ago, I had sex for the first time, completely unprotected. I regret that I made the choice while we were both under the influence of alcohol. Now I am dealing with the fact that I might be pregnant with a guy that is pretty much a stranger to me.

Never have I thought so hard of my future and try to figure out how a child would fit into my life. I want to go to college, and I know that it will be difficult it this mistake becomes a child. I haven’t even started thinking about what I would do if I am pregnant..the choices that I will have to make…to keep the baby, or give it up for adoption.

Never have I thought so hard about what I want to do with my life. But now I know. I want to help girls who are in the situation I am in right now. I want to be able to help them through these situations when they feel like no one is there for them. On the morning after the night I lost my virginity, I wanted nothing more than to talk to an adult female and simply ask what I should do. After hours of being alone, and talking to friends my own age, I decided I had no other choice that to take the morning after pill. i did, but I am still worried.

That last night, 5 days ago was the end of my summer, for me at least. I went through many nights of driving around at midnight, egging houses as a prank with my friends. One is a girl that is my best friend. The others are two boys that I became friends with this summer. Me and my best friends had a competition this summer…to see how many boys we could kiss.
She got 7. I got 9. The two boys we hung out with were two of mine. One of them, I had a huge crush on. He is one of the sweetest boys ever, but due to his pranks, I almost got arrested. But the blame was on all four of us. And I only blame myself. The two boys have left for college. Great schools, too. My best friend is moving away to another state with her family next month.

So maybe the reason I am writing this is because I am alone. I am facing the fact that my friends are leaving me. And I am stuck here at community college. And I am dealing with the fact that I might be pregnant, and be even more stuck than before. I do not want that. But I will trust fate.

A couple weeks ago, I couldn’t be alone. I always wanted to go out and party and drink…even if it was on a tuesday. I wanted to hook up with the guy that was nearest me. I would not be able to go to sleep unless I hung out with my friends first and did something…anything.

But now, I am over that. I guess it was a summer phase. Not wanting to go home…meeting friends that you can’t live without. I miss my friends dearly, and I am trying to be happy for them, although honestly, I am mad at them. But that is only because I am mad at myself for not leaving too. Which is why I plan to go off somewhere in January. Hopefully I can save some money, work hard, and be able to move with my best friend.

I need to experience life.

This entry has nothing to do with getting a life, at least I don’t think it does. I want to post this so people read it. I never write in my journal anymore, I would rather have strangers discover my secrets, not worried about what might be said.

I have realized that this past summer has gotten very out of hand. I turned 19 three days ago. And five days ago, I had sex for the first time, completely unprotected. I regret that I made the choice while we were both under the influence of alcohol. Now I am dealing with the fact that I might be pregnant with a guy that is pretty much a stranger to me.

Never have I thought so hard of my future and try to figure out how a child would fit into my life. I want to go to college, and I know that it will be difficult it this mistake becomes a child. I haven’t even started thinking about what I would do if I am pregnant..the choices that I will have to make…to keep the baby, or give it up for adoption.

Never have I thought so hard about what I want to do with my life. But now I know. I want to help girls who are in the situation I am in right now. I want to be able to help them through these situations when they feel like no one is there for them. On the morning after the night I lost my virginity, I wanted nothing more than to talk to an adult female and simply ask what I should do. After hours of being alone, and talking to friends my own age, I decided I had no other choice that to take the morning after pill. i did, but I am still worried.

That last night, 5 days ago was the end of my summer, for me at least. I went through many nights of driving around at midnight, egging houses as a prank with my friends. One is a girl that is my best friend. The others are two boys that I became friends with this summer. Me and my best friends had a competition this summer…to see how many boys we could kiss.
She got 7. I got 9. The two boys we hung out with were two of mine. One of them, I had a huge crush on. He is one of the sweetest boys ever, but due to his pranks, I almost got arrested. But the blame was on all four of us. And I only blame myself. The two boys have left for college. Great schools, too. My best friend is moving away to another state with her family next month.

So maybe the reason I am writing this is because I am alone. I am facing the fact that my friends are leaving me. And I am stuck here at community college. And I am dealing with the fact that I might be pregnant, and be even more stuck than before. I do not want that. But I will trust fate.

A couple weeks ago, I couldn’t be alone. I always wanted to go out and party and drink…even if it was on a tuesday. I wanted to hook up with the guy that was nearest me. I would not be able to go to sleep unless I hung out with my friends first and did something…anything.

But now, I am over that. I guess it was a summer phase. Not wanting to go home…meeting friends that you can’t live without. I miss my friends dearly, and I am trying to be happy for them, although honestly, I am mad at them. But that is only because I am mad at myself for not leaving too. Which is why I plan to go off somewhere in January. Hopefully I can save some money, work hard, and be able to move with my best friend.

I need to experience life.

This entry has nothing to do with getting a life, at least I don’t think it does. I want to post this so people read it. I never write in my journal anymore, I would rather have strangers discover my secrets, not worried about what might be said.

I have realized that this past summer has gotten very out of hand. I turned 19 three days ago. And five days ago, I had sex for the first time, completely unprotected. I regret that I made the choice while we were both under the influence of alcohol. Now I am dealing with the fact that I might be pregnant with a guy that is pretty much a stranger to me.

Never have I thought so hard of my future and try to figure out how a child would fit into my life. I want to go to college, and I know that it will be difficult it this mistake becomes a child. I haven’t even started thinking about what I would do if I am pregnant..the choices that I will have to make…to keep the baby, or give it up for adoption.

Never have I thought so hard about what I want to do with my life. But now I know. I want to help girls who are in the situation I am in right now. I want to be able to help them through these situations when they feel like no one is there for them. On the morning after the night I lost my virginity, I wanted nothing more than to talk to an adult female and simply ask what I should do. After hours of being alone, and talking to friends my own age, I decided I had no other choice that to take the morning after pill. i did, but I am still worried.

That last night, 5 days ago was the end of my summer, for me at least. I went through many nights of driving around at midnight, egging houses as a prank with my friends. One is a girl that is my best friend. The others are two boys that I became friends with this summer. Me and my best friends had a competition this summer…to see how many boys we could kiss.
She got 7. I got 9. The two boys we hung out with were two of mine. One of them, I had a huge crush on. He is one of the sweetest boys ever, but due to his pranks, I almost got arrested. But the blame was on all four of us. And I only blame myself. The two boys have left for college. Great schools, too. My best friend is moving away to another state with her family next month.

So maybe the reason I am writing this is because I am alone. I am facing the fact that my friends are leaving me. And I am stuck here at community college. And I am dealing with the fact that I might be pregnant, and be even more stuck than before. I do not want that. But I will trust fate.

A couple weeks ago, I couldn’t be alone. I always wanted to go out and party and drink…even if it was on a tuesday. I wanted to hook up with the guy that was nearest me. I would not be able to go to sleep unless I hung out with my friends first and did something…anything.

But now, I am over that. I guess it was a summer phase. Not wanting to go home…meeting friends that you can’t live without. I miss my friends dearly, and I am trying to be happy for them, although honestly, I am mad at them. But that is only because I am mad at myself for not leaving too. Which is why I plan to go off somewhere in January. Hopefully I can save some money, work hard, and be able to move with my best friend.

I need to experience life.

Still no life… Ugh! I’m sure no one noticed but I disappeared for a little over two months.. I was inside being a hermit again, hibernating would be the best way to describe it.. Haha! Anyways I’m back to doing this goal. I’ve been practicing being social by talking to randoms on Omegle and IRC… Sure, it’s not a life but it’s the best I’m going to do for now. I also took a stab at IMing some old friends – Man was that socially awkward! The real world is still looking a little too frightening right now but I’m working on it!

Wish me luck! :)