Practice letting go

It’s that time of year when I feel compelled to sit down and reflect on the year that’s gone and the year that’s to come. I realised there have been a lot of things I’ve had to let go of—ideas, expectations, goals, things & possessions, even people and groups. Life really is a process of letting go and adjusting.

One of the more important things I’ve had to let go of includes my lack of self confidence. I wouldn’t say I’ve completely let go of that, but I know I’ve been far better this year than last year and as I continue to strive towards the person I want to be it will continue to slip away from me.

I’ve also had to let go of the idea that my mum will never have a relationship with any man other than my dad, even though they are divorced. It’s amazing what ideas and assumption you live with without even being aware of it and I’m definitely better off without that one.

Today I sat down and had a bit of a think about what 43 Things I want to set for myself next year. I realised that in order to continue in the direction I truly wish to go in I need to let go of a few goals.

This is one of the goals I am retiring. Although I’m marking it as done, it’s rather like FairlyFearless once remarked—it’s an ongoing process that I’ll never truly be done with. I’m just happy with the progress I’ve made along the journey.

I’d been feeling like I hadn’t made much progress on this goal. I didn’t really stick to the plan I’d made in my last entry.

But lately life has been going out of it’s way to teach me this without any help on my part. For example, after my unsuccessful attempt to see a sunrise yesterday, I’d decided not to try again today because my body needed the sleep more. But this morning I was woken up by the need to go to the bathroom and was treated to a spectacular sunrise.

It’s also been happening with Christmas presents. Either I’ll have gone out with Christmas shopping the furthest thing from my mind and stumble across the perfect present. Or I’ll go out intending to buy a gift for one person and find the perfect present for someone else.

So if lately life has been teaching me to let go of my expectations, perhaps it’s time I let go of my expectations regarding this goal and just let it happen.

My mind has been running flat out today. It’s exhausting and it’s stopping me from getting work done. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s time for me to start practicing letting go of my thoughts. I’ve also come to a point in my spiritual practices where I need a clear mind—I need to let go of overthinking things so that I can start to hear my intuition.

This is a difficult goal to formulate a concrete result to aim for. I guess that’s why I said it’s about practicing letting go, rather than simply letting go.

I’m going to give myself until November 25. By the end of that time, I hope to find it easier to quieten my thoughts and hear my intuition. These are the concrete practices I’m going to use to achieve this end:

• continue the Morning Pages from the Artist’s Way—they are good for getting out the mental garbage and giving my intuition a chance to speak.

• meditate for 5 minutes a day—I always struggle with meditation, so I’m starting small

• practice Tai Chi once a week—meditation on the move. Again, best start small

• garden once a week—there’s more than one way to ground yourself.

I’ve been having a look over my 43 things list and I’ve decided some of the goals I have here are redundant, just another way of saying something I’ve already said. So I’ve decided to combine a few into one. Under this goal I’d like to include #4 (Relax) and #11 (Become more impulsive). They might not seem like related goals, but really they are. For me relaxing is about letting go of my worry, while becoming more impulsive is all about letting go of my persistent attachment to plans and the way I feel things have to be.

I found a lovely piece in my reiki notes that sums up beautifully what letting go is. The author is unknown.

To “let go” does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.

To “let go” is not to cut myself off; it’s the realisation I can’t control another.

To “let go” is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To “let go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To “let go” is not to try and change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.

To “let go” is not to care for, but to care about.

To “let go” is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To “let go” is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes but to allow others to affect their destinies.

To “let go” is not to be protective, it’s to permit the other to face reality.

To “let go” is not to deny, but to accept.

To “let go” is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.

To “let go” is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To “let go” is not to criticise and regulate anybody but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To “let go” is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To “let go” is to fear less, and love more.