Live in the "now" more

Just timing and placing, set them to: now and here, and nothing else meters..
I like to have this feeling…

as far as I need to on this – for the moment.

I can’t ignore my fundamental nature ;-p But I have been much more organized lately, and that is a sign of progress.

Now vs. What’s next

I think I have a bit of a phobia about “the now” – I fear that if I limit myself to only thinking about what’s happening day-to-day, I may end up stuck in a rut.

I think the basis of this fear is having grown up in such a tiny, remote town. Through my adolescence I saw the people around me (of all ages) just doing what they had always done, many of them unhappy, but none of them knowing what else there was in life – or even how to find out!

I didn’t even really have any role models, all I knew was that I didn’t want what I saw.

That phobia has probably outlived its usefulness. I now know that it’s very unlikely I will ever be stuck in a rut, on my own….

Oh, but just now I realize that this same phobia lingers for me in the realm of relationships / having kids. :-(

this goal was too ambitious.

I don’t want to change my entire nature – and I can’t help it, I’m always more interested in what’s coming next than I am in what’s going on now.

[...A moment of reflection…]

Ok, yes – I just realized that the goal states that I want to live in the now more. Not completely in the now. And I must admit that would still be useful for me. So I’ll keep the goal.

On that note, I think I am doing better than last year, when I adopted this goal. I’m more involved with my friends, helping to organize some social activities with my volunteer group, etc.

My boyfriend is coming here in 2 1/2 weeks. I haven’t seen him for 4 months. I. Simply. Can’t. Wait!

I don’t wanna live in the now – I wanna live in the after-December-11th.

Simply having this goal on my list helps… as an occasional reminder for myself not to get “lost” in possibilities which are far far away.

I feel like I’m doing this reasonably well. I have things I enjoy doing now, and I also have specific events to look forward to in the future (3 months, 1 year).

Also, my big new plan for next year is too far away to organize in detail, so I’m not too fixated on it. That’s a big
change for me – often I get my next job / plan / study session, etc. lined up one to three months in advance, then I stop living in the moment and focus on that.

Not doing that now… :-)

So normally I wouldn’t be proud of being a quitter….

But – I already decided to leave here next year (that would be in the middle of next summer), and I had an idea or two for what to do next. One was a specific job in another country which I think I have a good chance of getting. The other was to do another year of university to get a professional qualification. I’d like to do both things, but I need to decide what to do first. There’s no time limit for doing either one, as far as I know.

Well I got a new boyfriend during my trip home this summer, and he lives in Canada so I’m leaning toward doing the teaching program FIRST. And I had signed up for a correspondence course (1 of the two I need as a prerequisite)... only to discover that it’s HORRIBLY boring and much more time-consuming than I expected. Meaning I’d have to give up all the other activities which I enjoy.

Here’s the dilemma… I’ll be here for another YEAR, and I’m finally enjoying my life a bit. To do this course (consider it as 50% of the preparation required for a future possibility), I’d have to give up my fun now and go for miserable toil. I won’t get a refund (ok, only about 20%) if I drop the course, but…

In the interest of living in the now more – I’m going to stop planning my next step (I mean it’s a whole bloody year away, for Pete’s sake!), and just enjoy the time i have left in Japan. After all, I won’t get this time back, and I’m not truly in a hurry to go back to school. I want to work on my relationship first and foremost. I may even take a few years of working full or part time in Vancouver to get a life and make some investments before I go back to school. Ha!

This decision feels good already. So glad I adopted this goal. I love 43T – seeing my goals/priorities laid out in a list really helps with decision-making! Wonderful.

I think I’m making progress on this.

I had finally gotten to a point where I was more or less enjoying my day-to-day life in this city, where I have lived for 2 years. I can’t say that the first year was pleasant at all. I came here for a specific purpose (to repay my massive student loan), and at first it seemed like the progress on that goal was so slow. And there really wasn’t anything else here for me – no good friends, no like-minded people at all, no inspiration.

But I stuck it out, and now the loan is 85% repaid, so I’m breathing easier about that.

And recently, although it’s not super wonderful, I’m more satisfied with my social life and free time activities. I’ve gotten involved in at least 3 regular activities that I find rewarding; one’s educational, one’s artistic, and one’s volunteer service. Plus, I actually like my fulltime job.

I need to make a conscious, continuous effort to RECOGNIZE how much better things are now than when I first arrived here. This will help me to live in the now more (goal).

Not sure if this goes under the Avoiding category or this one, but I’ve made a decision. New plan:

I’m trying to work on communicating more clearly to people (specifically guys I am interested in) – hinting less and trying not to spend so much time guessing what they think. If I want to know what someone thinks, I’ll (TRY TO) just ask them.

If I can’t ask them, then I might as well just let it go because I’ll NEVER know.

I spend WAY too much time trying to imagine future scenarios in my head, and I’m basically just B.S.ing myself because my intuition is usually WRONG as far as relationship stuff goes. So I really need to a) just stop building stuff up in my head and go with the flow. b) get in touch with what I feel NOW and act on it / communicate it.

Easier said than done, but I’m trying.