stop relying on others to complete me

I keep on letting others control my feelings. I cant seem to be happy without being around people or having someone praise me. Its making feel pathetic and affecting everything around me.

I’ve been doing this lately.

Not sure how I broke myself of it before, but I need to remember asap….

because i’m not sure where else to put it:

i’m pretty peeved that i have to make up an invite list to my own birthday party. just for once, i’d love someone to throw me a big party, and i hoped against hope that it would be this year.

and it’s lame to whine about this, because it’s so trivial, but to me, it’s huge.

birthdays are huge. but no one in my life seems to understand that, no matter how many times, or how loudly i state it.

so do i keep wishing, and end up disappointed? or do i lower my expectations and just deal…..

bleh.
bleh.
and more bleh.

But not for a “Yay! I’ve overcome my negative self image!!” reason, but for a “Fuck me, I finally see the light.” reason.

I can finally see that I am the master of my fate. No one else, only me. I have to take back the power that I give away so easily. It’s time I stood up, put on my big girl panties, and was an active participant in life.

It’s aaaaallllllllllll about ME.

Since I’m feeling very lonely and vulnerable and just plain…hurt.

I feel left out and left behind by my “friends”. So why do I feel that way?? Why am I letting their actions dictate my moods??

I’m not sure what the answer is to this, but I take it as a good sign that I can at least recognize when I’m doing this, and that it is wrong. Maybe one day soon I’ll be able to check this as “done”.

I need to stop depending on other people. Like with my moods and such, I can be happy one minute then I let someone else bring me down, and vise versa. I need to control my own emotions.

until i began to see myself without certain people in my life, and feeling weak. i want to be a powerful, independent women, just as much as the next gal, but i rely too much on the people around me to find happiness and identity. i suppose that relieving some of those dependent relationships would be a start in creating my individualism, but they mean too much to me to let go of. where to begin?

enjoy my own company etc. which I do, but I always feel as though I’m not fully myself unless I’m around other people.
I need to find ways to not feel so dependant on others to bring out the best in me, I need to fina a way to do it on my own.