live

One of the most profound experiences of my adult life took place yesterday. I sat with a colleague, ready to be judged for my persistently late submissions – the result of poorly managed time and clear loss of focus, when … she did nothing. Not a word, not a sigh, she just held up her end of the deal and mapped the path for the next stage.
I grew up on that instant.
This malaise which I’ve allowed to take root in my life and in my soul over the last 18 months has got to be torn down, removed, all spores caught and destroyed. Where had my energy, my enthusiasm, my desire to work toward to the fulfillment of my purpose gone? Why should I be content to ‘do better next time’ when I have the now in which to shape up, step up, and progress? Why resign myself to repeating this lesson when I still have a fighting chance at the result I need?
As I walked away from the meeting, I felt resolve and passion trickling back in, consciously untensed my shoulders to make myself lithe and limber for the fight ahead. The fight against the me I’d allowed myself to become. The fight for the me I’d promised myself to be

lately i just havent been feeling like im living, you know? like i havent gone out and done somthing awesome, something that makes my heart race, somthing thats like wow, wtf was i thinking? that was so stupid but so cool!! yea so i gotta get ontop of this, i gotta get my heart racing

i have no one – no real friends
and i never will unless i do something about it
i have bulimia
and i always will unless i do something about it
i have no job
and won’t get one for the summer unless i do something about it
i can’t drive
and won’t learn in time to get a job unless i do something about it
i will never have an ID unless i do something about it
get one. learn. stop. smile. all pretty simple steps.

my happiness depends on ME

i have realised that there’s no point making friends at school there reallyy isn’t, but i need to work out how to make things different next year!!! ma, co, ki, sa, ca, ol will all still be here, as will lots of nice girls at school i’ve just never talked to.

tomorrow i’m gonna be in contol of my destiny.

it’s up to ME how i live my life indeed it is

hello 43 thingers!

i know i havent been on in a long while, but i am back, and again struggling with the seemingly simple task of stayin’ alive. i go to therapy which doesnt help much and take meds as perscribed. anyone who can be supportive of me, interms of talking with me or offering suggestion on how they maintain hope/ cope with suicidal thoughts- it would be incredibly appreciated!

megan

live fullest

For some reason, losing all contact with the people I knew ended up really beneficial. I’m changing [as a person]. I’ve noticed that I’m a bit more optimistic, cheerful, I don’t take things so seriously and I don’t try to always be perfect… it’s really important. Believe me, it feels horrible when you feel like you must live up to everybody’s expectations and all…

Probably the biggest changes were that I feel a need to talk to people and be social, I have more enthusiasm and motivation, and I’m not afraid of doing something stupid… Like, I always wanted long ‘scene’ hair, but, for some reason, I never really got it. Well, now I just thought ‘why not?’, and now I have really great hair xD I’m planning to get colorful extensions and… yeah. I’ll have awesome hair! ^^ Style really means a lot to me and it affects me, so no wonder I feel so happy and hyper now that I have crazy and colorful hair.

In the last eight months, I’ve lost all my friends. A-L-L of them. And no, I don’t think that’s a bad thing. It’s a revolution. A new chapter of my life`. I feel… kind of good. In fact, I feel somewhat liberated. Maybe they weren’t such ‘real’ friends after all.

bad day, really tired for no reason, but got to the gym and felt almost ok

I AM IMMORTAL. I WILL LIVE FOR ETERNITY.

yesterday i went to fashion week. i had a great day with my mum. the only thing that could have improved it would have been if i wasn’t cold and if my jeans weren’t sloppy!

today was fantastic too- sun and ocean beautiful! perfect x