grieve

is my dad’s birthday, he would have been 70

was awful. The funeral helped. I don’t think I’m quite in steady state yet, but I’ve picked myself up off the floor, more or less.

A couple of weeks ago, R. & I drove together to the cemetery where his wife R. is buried. We went to see the memorial stone – that’s just been put in place – for the first time & also (at least in my mind) to find some “closure,” now that a year has gone by.

What I found – quite unexpectedly – was that, while I continue to miss R. & think of R. frequently, I no longer burst into tears at any thought or mention of her. In fact, I was dry eyed the whole day & able to focus on the happy memories rather than on the sadness. smile

So, although grieving is never really “done,” it’s now at the point, I think, where I can set this goal to the side.

Finally, I want to thank all of you in the 43T community who have supported me through this loss & the grieving/recovery process during the past year. smile

of my dad’s death is kicking my butt. ironically grandma hurt herself at the same time as last year, just before my dad’s date, I feel a little grim. Visualizing it in art form helps me. A spinning internal spiral , actually some nice pearlescent colors.

Lost a dear friend recently, suddenly, horribly.

I struggle with even claiming the grief as legitimate, because we weren’t hang-out-every-day close, and I’m just one of his many, many friends. But I cared about him and admired him and knew some of his pain, though I never remotely suspected that it was beyond his capacity to handle.

What do I mean by “grieve,” then? I want all of us, all of our circle of friends, to make it through this without being destroyed, to somehow go on without leaving him behind.

There’s so much more, but nothing I want to write down just now.

to be accepting of myself. Grandma is really angry, you wouldn’t think that would be that painful, but it is. also my dad died a year ago, november 5th. what a year it has been

is still alive but wants to die. a few days ago on her 98th birthday she drove her self in her wheelchair down a flight of outside stairs. miraculously (or not) she has no broken bones,but has horrible bruises and maybe internal problems. I understand her desire, but find it deeply sad. She is really angry.

I spoke on the telephone for an hour with R., much of our conversation being reminscences about his late wife R. What a great connection we had. smile

We’ve also begun to plan a visit to her grave-site, to see the new headstone in place for the first time, later this month or early next. I think that will also be A Good Thing.

I learned that our dear friend R. had passed away. I miss her, so much, still.

This is the anniversary month of R’s death last fall.

We hope to be able to visit her husband R. before the month is out; there may be a chance to visit her grave with R. as well. I hope that this will work out—I feel that visiting there together would be helpful to me.