Lose weight - Keep the lost weight off

FOR THE PAST 4 1/2 MONTHS I HAVE CHANGED MY DIET,DRINK ONLY WATER,I GO TO THE GYM TWICE A DAY 5 DAYS A WEEK, EVEN BEEN TO MY DR TO SEE IF I NEEDED TO BE PUT ON MEDS..AND I HAVE LOST ONLY 5 LBS…I AM SICK OF LOOKING DOWN AT THE SCALE AND SEEING NO CHANGE,I AM VERY OVERWIEGHT! I AM READY TO BEAT MY HEAD INTO THE WALL!

i wanna do this for me. i wanna be me and find me. to lose weight i found that i had to learn control.that i have. i lost 16 pounds so far, amazing me. just kidding. my goals are to be able to wear a bikini and look oh so very good in it. and to be thought of as “hot” by hot people. to go places that i have never been and to not be afraid to do things that i have never done. most everything in my life is linked to my weight and to be frank, it sucks. i wanna be thin i wanna live life. and i wanna do it for me. i dont wanna be afraid any more.i wanna be able to go up to people and not have to worry about being rejected.

Ok so I wrote this goal like 8 months ago.. I worked out steadily for 3 months, lost a little weight and then just stopped working out … I am now trying to get back in shape.. though on a positive note last summer I lost 10lbs and 7 of those stayed off even without exercise and diet.

How is everyone? I hope good. I’ve been trying to lose weight for the longest time, and I’ve lost a bit, but it wasn’t as much as I could have lost for the amount of time it took. Ok, right now I’m a 14 year-old female of 5’5” and I weigh 158 pounds. If you’re going “Whoa, that’s a lot, she’s fat!” well you obviously are rude, for one and two, you should have seen me 3 years ago. LOL. I was a mess. Over the past 2 1/2 or 3 years I have lost a total of 54 pounds just by cutting back on soda, junk, fast food, and becoming more active. I realized, if I really tried, I could lose so much more in a matter of months. I’m hoping to lose 38 or so pounds because I want to be attractive and I want to be a cheerleader. I have a minor depression issue which was a major issue in 6th grade because I drew pictures of my suicide and had to have a school counselor counsel me, which, looking back, wasn’t fun. I was so depressed because of family problems and – you can guess it – being overweight. Well, that minor issue is becoming a larger issue because so many people at my school have to go and do the meanest things, and I sit there and talk to them about it, but they keep doing them. They don’t realize that depression is serious and that if I get upset enough BAM! I might commit suicide. But hey, I might be moving to Pewaukee soon and I get all teary eyed thinking of it cus I’ll miss all my fabulous friends and the memories I had here, but then I smile because it’s a chance to start over, make new friends, and show people who I am and who I can be. I’ve never moved out of Milwaukee county before and it’s sorta scary thinking about it, but I know I can still visit friends and call them and email them and stuff. Well, I hope everyone else reaches their goals and I hope I reach mine. I want a rockin’ body and a bikini by Summer. XD We can all do it if we support each other and help each other along the way. If you need support or help I’m here for you. =)

Slacked a bit last week only went to the gym twice.. but i’m back on track. I’ve been working out for 9 weeks and have lost 9lbs so far

Went to the zoo today with a guy who could be a potential something more than just a zoo date. as we waited for the train home afterward, he told me he thought we were best as… “friends.” Even though he was really nice about how he said it, and even though he’s completely right (I was feeling the same way, but I guess I was willing to pretend I didn’t for a little while longer), I was still pretty bummed about it. After the train, and this conversation, I made my way to the subway to come home. As I started down the subway steps, I got a whiff of something… ah yes, McDonald’s. Now, if you knew me, you’d know how messed up it is that I’d even consider going to a McD’s. (I think they’re evil for so many reasons. Plus I know how bad it is for you. Plus I know how FATTENING it is for you. Plus I don’t eat meat. Plus, for whatever reason, I find myself embarrassed to be caught eating fast food). But sure enough, 10 minutes later, there I am on the A train sneaking those piping hot fries, hoping my McVeggie burger would still be yummy by the time I got home (oh honey, I wasn’t so bummed that you’d think I’d actually eat a meat burger did you? ;-)

But today was still a good day with relation to food because:

even though i was eating to medicate it was because I was bummed and i was looking for a little guilty pleasure. Not a good reason but a lesser evil as compared to all the reasons I USED to eat. Reasons like, “Why not? it doesn’t make a difference, I’m so unattractive it doesn’t even matter if i get fatter.” or “This stuff is bad for me, and I deserved to be punished, so I’ll eat it” (yes, I used to do that. who said anything about overeating makes sense?).

so my reason, however flawed, was not based in self-hatred and I’m really, really working on self-acceptance and self-love and I think I’m making progress so yay me.

and also… if you read my last entry I said that sometimes I “forget” I have a weight loss goal and I was hoping SP would help. Oh boy did it! When I came home and had to enter that food into the computer and I saw the calories and fat… Lordy, I won’t be making THAT trip into a fast food restaurant again any time soon!!! And let’s say next time the temptation isn’t fast food, but something different (“oh, but you have to try this new Ben and Jerry’s flavor!”), I hope I’ll remember how I felt tonight when I had to enter that food and saw the calorie count for today!

I think I will.

so even tho my zoo buddy turned “buddy buddy” as opposed to “bed buddy” I’m feelin’ pretty good! thanks SP!

One of my big things is acceptance and self love. I really believe you have to love yourself. and you have to be willing to change. many people say they want to lose weight but really, the extra pounds are a protective mechanism. I think we all have to really work on self love, forgiveness and acceptance while we are also working our quads and glutes. so it’s a little difficult to post some of these pictures (the clycling one I hate) because I should really focus on how beautiful I already am, and not how far I have to go. I say I would like to lose x pounds, but really, the scale doesn’t matter so much, as how I feel and how my clothes fit me. I’d like to lose a good dress size (maybe 2?).

my recent “epiphany” is that I’m willing to change. and I’m willing to let go of those pounds. and I’m willing to be happy, joyous and free.

if you want some help keeping up with your weightloss goals, visit this site. I think it’s great. I’ve never considered myself a “blogger” but here I am, and now I blog on Sparkpeople, too (SP for short). But no one reads those blogs, and I kind of actually want someone to read those blogs, so I thought I’d put them here. ha! :-)

So far have lost 8lbs… going to the gym 5 days a week.

Feck it, I’ll do it later. I’m goin to the kitchen for something full of unhealthy goodness.