I can see how much progress I have made on this goal, and it makes me happy. Time and again there are situations where previously I might have wondered, or worried, what people were thinking. Not any more. I just observe and move on. I am no longer concerned about what someone may think of me when I am just living. 3 months ago
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How I did it: I was brought up to worry about what the neighbors would think of my behavior. It was the "guilt" that my parents used to keep us in line when I was young. No fault of theirs, that was just how people operated.
I finally decided that I didn't want to operate in that mode anymore. At first I just stepped out of my comfort zone and focused on things outside of me if I started to worry. I also engaged strangers when I was doing something out of my comfort zone (like wearing a crazy hat, or wearing clothes that were different). I received a lot of positive feedback from people, which made it easier to try new things - especially around my coworkers.
In the end I just decided that I do not need other peoples' approval to be me! I now compliment people who are expressing their individuality. (Funny how children are perfectly happy to be unique, and adults try so hard to conform.) Read how I did it… 2 months ago
A quote from a video I watched today. Similar to the idea of “getting outside of yourself” that I wrote about last year.
Focus all of your attention on understanding them. Make a mental list of your observations. This will keep you from worrying about what the people are thinking. 3 months ago
It is all about your frame of reference. Step outside yourself and just be yourself. Get your ego out of the way and just have fun.
If you do things you enjoy do you spend time wondering what people think of what you are doing? No. You just do it and enjoy how it makes you feel. Your ego is not part of the picture. When I start to “wonder” what people may be thinking, I kick my ego out of the way, and just have fun. Lately it has been super easy to get out and do things. And it is FUN! I won’t mark this goal complete, but I have made a TON of progress. :) 5 months ago
I had my chiro treat me for this. Sometimes he thinks I ask him to do things that are beyond his capability, however I have tremendous faith in what he can accomplish. If it doesn’t work, no harm is done, so I tell him to give it his best attempt. He thinks, and then tries something. It usually works the first time. :)
Mind, body, emotions, they are all connected. To me it makes sense that if he can treat me for muscle memory about a fall, that he can also treat me for a memory that is not helping me. He is beginning to realize that he has far more ability to fix things than he thought. It’s a win/win for both of us! 8 months ago
I was running errands and made a point of talking to a few strangers. One lady had a lovely blouse on, so I mentioned how nice it looked. Another lady looked like she was having a rough morning (this was at the doctor’s office) so I mentioned that things would get better. She was happy to talk to someone and I can tell she appreciated a kind word. And I spoke with some people at the Farmer’s market.
I would like to make a subgoal of complimenting 5 people a day. Why? Because by talking to a stranger and thinking of something nice to say to them, it gets me outside my head. Plus, most people are thrilled to have someone say something nice to them! And it helps me realize that sometimes I might say something that is awkward, however even reaching out to another person means I am taking a “risk” and that if my intentions are positive (and they always are), that the only thing that really matters is that I made the attempt to make someone’s day better. :) 9 months ago
The more I realize that what I do is not who I am, the easier it is to accomplish this goal. It’s all about not focusing on me, instead focusing on what I want to accomplish. If it is to have some fun, then that is what is important. If it is to push a boundary, then that is what I concentrate on. Since I do not have any control over what people think, then worrying about it is silly. It’s the effort that it took to get to this point that was REALLY the goal. 11 months ago
The thing I hate most about starting a new job is being “the new girl” in an environment where everybody else knows each other and you feel a little bit on the edge of it all. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been there 3 weeks now and all of the colleagues I’ve worked with so far have been perfectly nice, I just still have this residual anxiety about being liked. I think it’s just intensified through being in an unfamiliar situation, but it annoys me. I wish I could just instantly be myself and not give a crap if someone dislikes me for it. I feel like I’m always testing the waters first when I meet new people, wondering if it’s safe to be myself around them. 12 months ago
It can change your life once you stop worrying about what people may think. There is a lot of programming that we are raised with, to keep us from doing things beause “other people” may not approve. There are certainly social values that I would not break, however that is because of my personal values. And there are some people at work who are experts at trying to control people using guilt and fear. Now that I am aware of their games, I don’t care what they “think”.
Am I done with this goal? Not really. I know that there are areas or cirumstances when I will fall back into the worry pit. That’s OK because I will recognize it and move on. The important lesson from this goal is that it is fine to do things that are different, or draw attention to yourself, and it makes life more interesting.
You don’t like my (fill in the blank)? Too bad, so sad. I like it. :) 13 months ago
When I added this goal a year ago, I had no idea how I was going to accomplish this. My idea was to put myself in uncomfortable situations and just endure. Instead I found some great tips on the internet about how to overcome worry and I used those tips to make progress. Now, while I can’t say that I am done with this goal, I certainly have a lot more skills I can call on when I start to worry about other people.
I want to dance in public and not be self-conscious. I want to sing in public and I do when I am riding my scooter around town. Public speaking is not a problem. Nor is meeting new people. I give myself a B+ on this goal to date. 14 months ago
I have come a LONG way since I started working on this seriously last October. I remember many of the events I wrote about, and feel good with the progress I have made. What I have also realized recently is that FasterEFT is giving me the same results. By removing the emotion from a memory, I stop caring what other people think.
My pink and black vans are worn often. I also bought purple shoes, and red tennis shoes. I wore my Cat in the Hat hat on the 4th of July and had several positive compliments. I am not so concerned about changing my ways, most of the time it goes unnoticed by others. All of this is healthy reinforcement that I do not need to worry about what other people think. :)
Wow. 16 months ago
But I’m determined to do it. I’m constantly worrying about the impression people get of me, what they think of me. Even people I barely encounter, like customers at work who probably see me purely as a pair of hands ringing items through the till and taking their money! I’m not confident and have low self-esteem, and my worrying isn’t a vanity thing – I worry that people I meet will think I’m stupid, or boring, or… well, anything negative like that. I know it’s irrational, I have friends and colleagues who clearly like my company, it’s just me. This is very much tied up with my “Be more confident” goal; I’m certain when I achieve one, I’ll achieve both :) 17 months ago
Because if I can post them on 43Things with a group of supporting and understanding people, then I can let go of the fear/pain that they carry with them.
Forgiving other people can be easier than forgiving oneself. I think I have done fairly well not hanging on to emotional baggage however I know there are still areas where I could let negative emotions go. 18 months ago
When I was on vacation I found a purple fedora with sequins. It was inexpensive so I bought it since I like purple. I wore it the other day to run errands. I think that people respond differently when I wear the hat. They look at me but don’t say much. I am tempted to try an experiment where I wear the hat someplace and then return a short time later and see if people act different.
I will wear it to work, that should cause someone to say something…
The best part about this was that I didn’t worry about what people might say or think. I just wore the hat. Huge progress for me!!! 18 months ago
Doing things that are out of my comfort zone really helps with this. I wore another hat to work today, and even wore it out to lunch. There were some people from work at the restaurant, but I didn’t care. And my friend was making fun of my hat, later on he tried it on! It looked really good on him as well since it was a tan fedora. He mentioned that he wished men could wear hats. I suggested that he start wearing one – since it really suits him.
We’ll see if he is up to the challenge. My guess is he won’t since he is VERY concerned with what people think. How unfortunate. 22 months ago
I feel good about this goal. I can see how much progress I have made, and that makes me very happy. :) I am going to leave this goal on my list for a while, as a reminder to focus on what’s important – and what is – instead of what “might be”.
Time to go out and challenge myself outside of work.
Here’s to progress!! 23 months ago
I notice it most at night when I am trying to sleep. My inner voice used to go on and on about the day’s events, replaying conversations over and over. It kept me awake. It made me feel bad. And now it has stopped.
This is wonderful. I can get to sleep quickly and I sleep through the night. What a difference in just a few weeks.
I also read all my posts about this goal. I can see how much progress I have made. I am pleased. 23 months ago
Being someone who has always battled insecurity, my move to the Big Apple to pursue a dream education and career has certainly challenged those insecurities. My ambition and risk taking has yielding fruitful (no pun intended) results in proving that I need only depend upon and love myself. Growing up, my learning style had caused many to worry if I was fit for higher education, or if I had a learning disability. Well, I got a BA in anthropology and art history, and I just completed my first semester at Parsons School for Design in NYC with a master’s program that is funded in part by a Dean’s scholarship.
NYC has toughened me up. I’ve still got my Southern warmth, but I also have become street smart, trading in my dainty pumps for combat boots. I still keep my vintage/feminine style, but show far less skin and strut down the sidewalk with a purpose. I am more confident, and I no longer worry about what men think of me. I have found sexiness in taking total control of my body and leaving it to the imagination what is concealed behind my utilitarian dress. Last week, I grew tired of dealing with my medium-length, fluffy hair, and had most of it cut off. Now it is fluffy on top, but appears almost shaved underneath. My makeup keeps the whole look pretty feminine, but in showing that I couldn’t care less about fitting the mold of typical beauty, I’ve found strength and a whole new way to present myself.
A couple of days ago a friend of mine took me out to see The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I could relate slightly to Lisbeth in the film, and her character also reinforces strength and power found in reclaiming your body and mind, which I find appealing.
So that’s what I have to say about my goal thus far. 23 months ago