Feel amazingly stunningly beautiful

http://www.encouragingcoach.com/projects-selfcare-quiz.htm

reality check: 17 pt only :o
ugh!

Inspired by the entries other people have made on steps toward this goal, I felt I should note that today I made a step.

Recently I have been trying to take a big key step in reaching all of my goals by changing how I operate inside myself. I felt as though in the past 5 years or so, I kind of maxed out on what I could get from where I was at – my perspectives on things and the beliefs I have been operating on. I felt like I reached a plateau that, after awhile, stretched out behind me as far as I could see and then (and still) stretched out in front of me just as far off into the horizon.

Until something fundamental changed in me, I felt like not much of anything else was really going to change outside of me.

So recently, I have been reading books on alternative ways to think about things. And one that has been very powerful for me recently is the The Law of Attraction, by Esther and Jerry Hicks. Its message boils down to how our thoughts equal a certain kind of vibrational frequency, and how, based on those frequencies, we attract our experiences toward ourselves. And how, when you are in a rut or a depression or stuck in anger … what you need to do is focus on the best-feeling thought that is available to you.

Knowing that I have a lot of work to do to change how I think to bring more of what I want in my life, I have taken recently to going on what I think of as “meditative walks”. I have been listening to The Law of Attractiion and sometimes just walking while purposefully thinking.

Today, as I re-listened to a part of the The Law of Attraction, I practiced reaching out to the best thoughts I could find. By the time my walk was done, I felt so much better. I felt much less anxious. The wind, just slightly cooler than the warm temperature of the air, was gentle but noticeable; it felt good almost blowing through me. The sun, not too hot, but just gently warming like hot massage rocks, felt good on my skin. I had several thoughts along my walk where I realized I was teetering on the cusp between pessimism and being hopeful, for the first time in a really long time. I siezed the hopefulness and began to really feel that way.

I started to feel really good. And as I was walking along the city streets in the wind and the sun and listening to the book, I was suddenly aware of how good I felt. And how absolutely beautiful, all of sudden, I felt. Somewhat sweaty and in baggy workout clothes, but just lighter on the inside. I really did feel beautiful. Like in the way of … as a person in spirit.

I want to capture a habit of being able to get to this place whenever I need to. So I can feel beautiful like that more of the time.

...I’m more and more beautifull!
Massage made me beautifull, and track and field excercises too, that was fun. Swimming did not; too exosting – not swimming but all the stuff afterwards I do in a big rush. I need to relax and take my time.

Amazingly and sunningly parts are coming…

i’ve released 2.5 kg recently – wow! – and finaly able to zip&button that skirt! again. oh man, is it tight ;)
it is 4 kg less than my absolute max.
this is the weight when i got irrationaly scared of going further, couple of times i reached it – is it somehow connected to last time i weighed below that? it was the worst time ever.
funny, it was also “halfway down” my age.
i feel that going beyond that “limit” will be so refreshing, becoming my real self! :)

A comfortable pair of flat walking sandals I’ve worn to work nearly every day for two years has finally bit the dust. Well – they bit it a long time ago, and I forced myself to face the facts the other day.

Into the bin they go, and right now, I cannot afford another pair. This leaves me hunting through the closet, and inside it I find a cute pair of kitten heels I bought a few years ago and haven’t worn very much.

I’ve worn them half a day, and discovered something interesting.

In high heels you look at the world differently. You’re slightly taller. You make clicking noises when you walk, clicking noises that draw peoples eyes. When you know you’ll be wearing them, you dress better, more confidently.

When you’re shined up and you know people are looking you put your chin up, you look straight ahead, you walk with fiercely clicking purpose. People notice you, and they should, because you are a person of importance.

No more looking at your toes, you’re in the now, and damnit, you don’t need to worry about everything else. So it’s raining a bit and you don’t have an umbrella, so what? No time, too important.

Only people in casual shoes look at their feet.

See my photos. The silver shoes. They’re like the sex pants college girls wear. I now understand the seduction of a spectacular pair of shoes.

In these shoes, I feel:

amazingly.
stunningly.
beautiful.

And I’m now addicted…shoes are my new drug of choice.

Initially i was despairing over “having nothing to wear” esp. shoes.
Than I decided I will not allow such a trivial thing to stand on my way. I believe if you can buy a solution, than it is not worth swetting over it.
Trouble was that there was no decent shue shop in my extended area with my size.
Fortunatly I’ve finally found it so I can go shoe shopping whenever I want!!! This is big news, it was one of my major goals in fact. It was yesterday and I am still excited about it.

My dressing up and fixing my hair is efortlessly levels beyond before. (This is not an affirmation, I describe what had actually happened.)

There are things that are unique to every woman. The way she wears her hair, her personality, her fit with the world. A lot of women are raised on the basis of self loathing. Gotta be thinner, gotta be more beautiful, gotta be perfect, gotta be whatever. But even with all of socioty’s expectations and mores, somehow every woman paves her own path.

I am working on my road. Making it smoother and nicer, balancing the different parts of my life, investing in activities that empower me, or keep me sharp. I am at a place where I feel confident that I’ve begun to lay the groundwork for the rest of my life. Good stable groundwork, that I feel confident in for the first time ever.

But there is a cloud on my horizon. I discovered something that disturbs me. My beautiful, strong, independent mother, who does so many amazing things, has not had some of the fundamental training that most women get from their mom. The sort of thing handed down from generation to generation, the groundwork for a confident and wonderful feminine sense of self.

My mother was never told how beautiful she was, nor was she told the amazing secrets of being a woman, and for that I am truly sorry. She has done so much for me in my life, and I look at her in awe. She is litterally the strongest woman I know, and when I see her, I see an innocent cherubic little bird. She has such joy that just pops out at the most unexpected moments.

So tommorow, because I love my mother so incredibly much, we’re going to the mall. And we’re going shopping for the most feminine item of clothing there is – a bra. A nice one. One that fits. We’re going to go get girly stuff, and our hair and nails done. We’re going to talk about life the universe and everything. And hopefully, my mother can get back from me just a little slice of everything amazing and wonderful she’s given me.

Here’s to a new chapter in the journey of womanhood for me AND mom. Here’s to new beginnings, and knowing full well that who you are is good, right, and amazingly stunningly beautiful from the inside out.

yeah, it’s that time again. The I seriously suspect the end of a relationship, or at least extreme relationship strife time. I’m setting here in my jammies and a cute tank top I just got yesterday. My hair conditioned and styled as it rarely ever is. I just got home from a trip to Lafayette with my mother. It was nice, would have been wonderful, but there’s a cloud hanging overhead. The cloud being wether or not he would call.

He didn’t.

And now all the self doubt that I harbor come out bright and blue to haunt me. How could I possibly be beautiful and feel like this? He doesn’t want me, or at least there is a question as to wether or not he does, so who would?

All my talk about being a feminist on my own terms, a strong independent woman, it’s all tripe. The truth is, I’m a work in progress… just like everybody else. That doesn’t stop me from being miserable though.

And I hate myself that I’m still waiting, hoping that he’ll call.There’s a part of me that knows if she shows up on my doorstep that all will be forgiven in seconds, that I’ll lean into his arms and feel loved again. There’s a larger part of me that knows he won’t come. My gut tells me this is it, and rarely if ever is my gut not right in matters of the heart.

I’m home crying for the rest of the weekend, and I’m looking at the clouds of doom forming on the horizon.