resist the urge to get seriously involved before i'm emotionally ready

I was, but not for him. I started it up again with an old flame, one who had caused me a lot of anguish at one point, but we talked about it before getting involved, it was all so deliberate…too deliberate, maybe. I fell desperately for him, and I know his feelings were strong too for a while..but our stubbornnesses are equal and if not opposite, certainly different enough to cause major problems. 5 months after a blissful start I was single once more, and two months after that I’m still letting go. I’ve got to somehow learn what “emotionally ready” feels like..or just not get involved! Sounds so depressing! – I do believe however that once I’m not thinking about him like this anymore, the spontaneity necessary for a new love will be possible again:)

I’ve found that as I long as I am asking myself whether I’m ready, I’m probably not.

most of us aren’t emotionally ready. But we can’t let that stop us, and if you find someone to share your life with who is compassionate, understanding and patient, you will heal and grow in his/her company.

I’ve realized that I will never know if I am emotionally ready to be seriously involved with someone. It is only when we are in the company of another, sharing our lives and intimate moments, that we face our insecurities and fears and find out whether we will succeed or fail. Even if I do not have all of my issues worked out, the success of a relationship is mostly due to ongoing communication, empathy, and love of both committed. I feel like I am understood in the company of G, and that when I do have moments, he talks to me about what is happening and we move on, stronger for the sharing. I am posting a poem I wrote for my ex, P. I will always regret that things did not work out with him, for he was a love like no other, but what I truly needed, understanding and acceptance, was not there. I have moved on, but will never forget what we shared. And I know now that even though I am not in a perfect emotional state, it is wonderful that I have found someone who loves me in spite of it, and who wants to share his life with me.

Turning the Corner

It was not so long ago
That I was wandering
Through a pale blue, washed out world.
Searching for
A corner to turn
A sign to guide me
A promise to lure me
A song to lift me out.

Often my resignation
Hung heavy about my shoulders
Like the folds of a sculpted granite cloak.
I believed that what I longed for
Could not be mine, not this time.
So suspended, I whiled away the hours
In the haze of a halfway life.

And it took these long years
To find you
My corner
My sign
My promise
My song

You shattered my stone cape of disbelief,
Ended forever my roaming in unfulfilled dreams.
Your love holds me fast
And offers vibrant worlds to share.
You are all that I desired then
And all that I desire now.

I am emotionally involved, and I’m beginning to wonder if I ought to cut the strings and force myself to be alone. I am not sure if this relationship is going to work in the long run…too many issues and problems…not just mine, but his too. I wonder what he’d do if I asked him to go to counselling together? I think he’d wonder “what the hell?” why is she being so anxious and does she think we have problems when we’ve only known each other for a year? This is too big for me. I don’t want to drown here. The biggest problem is that he’s commitment phobic and I feel like he’s hedging his bets, not sure if I’m the one. Should I move on?

It’s too late. I am seriously involved and I don’t think I’m emotionally ready. Can I stay involved with him and at the same time work on myself (with counselling) so that I feel more emotionally equipped to handle a relationship? Or do I have to do the work alone, uninvolved? How much of my fears/insecurities do I share with my partner…won’t my admissions make him think I’m not ok? What to do?

what if i’m already invloved…?
this is a tougher goal than i thought it would be. I’m done with Super Librarian until I tell him so..then he somehow comes out with the right things to say and I’m sucked in again. I understand the poor judgment on my part yet seem to to have a weaker grasp on resisting temptation than I’d like to admit – even knowing the emotional shortcomings of this guy and the crappy way he has been known to treat me (and more importantly..make me feel), doesn’t seem to make me hold to the decisions i make in his absence. I know that some of it boils down to cowardice on my part, not wanting to tell him straight how I feel and why and cut it off. But I also can’t believe it’s that simple. the search continues…

I’ve decided i don’t want to do this…
i am emotionally ready!
i love my boyfriend, and i want to spend the rest of my life with him…i do…he is my everything, and i am not afraid any more!

after an emotionally tumultuous start and several weeks without contact, T called to ask my forgiveness for his treatment of me and my excitement about him. I’m wary but can’t help but be hopeful..a boyfriend 160 miles away would allow me to do my homework, and as a bonus, give me some extra motivation to come up and visit my parents. The only problem is that my heart no longer so easily trusts him. Only time will tell…

...from a Cat Stevens song I love.
I bought Susan Anderson’s books, “The Journey from Abandonment to Healing” and “The Journey from Heartbreak to Connection” that were recommended by a friend who also pointed me to the website www.abandonment.net. I was on the website for quite some time, and it was such an epiphany for me. Now I can actually understand and articulate why I feel like I do when I’m in a relationship and why I subconsciously choose ‘unavailable’ men. The death of my father from leukemia when I was 13 was the catalyst for how I see myself and how I see ‘love’ with the men in my life. The books are said to be extremely effective in helping people with abandonment issues turn their lives around. Let’s hope so! Has anyone heard of them?