Superdude57 Gather ye rosebuds while ye may
Being more of an introvert, I sometimes get anxious when there is a lull in the conversation and what not, so I’m going to try to make a conscious effort to improve. I copied down some tips below for me to work on, which I found when I googled the subject.
1. Show interest in and be curious about those you talk with.
In conversation, to be curious is a definite plus. Being curious about another person helps to engage us and to validate that person as interesting. On the other hand, if we seem bored by or indifferent to the person, they feel invalidated, as if we are saying “You hold no interest for me. You are not interesting.”
2. Balance the talking and listening. Take turns.
The key here is not so much the actual time each one talks. It is the taking turns that matters. One person may ask a brief question that requires a long, detailed answer.
3.Give genuine compliments and real praise when appropriate.
4. Keep your positive energy up.
When we interact with others, we exchange not only words and bodily expressions. We also give off – exchange – our vital energy. If our energy is high and vibrant, we lift the conversation. If it’s low and sluggish, we sap energy from the encounter. Focus on what’s good and what works instead of griping and complaining.
When we are energized, we are able to be responsive, alive to the situation and the person we are talking to. Our voice and
body reflect our responses and add color and flavor to our talk.
When we don’t have enough “gas in our tank,” being responsive
is difficult at best.
5. Ask better questions
A routine question will evoke a routine response. Thus, “How’s it going?” will generally get a “Fine, thanks,” or perhaps a “I can’t complain.” If the purpose of the question is only to acknowledge an acquaintance briefly and move on, your purpose is served. This is the social function of language that the anthropologist Malinowski called “phatic communion,” which is nothing more than a brief and superficial verbal connection, the smallest of small talk.
However, if you’d prefer a more substantial conversation, you’ll need to use a different question to evoke a different response. A deeper and more detailed conversation will certainly be less predictable and probably more interesting, and it will likely have the effect of enriching your relationship.
Here are four suggestions for more productive questions:
1. Ask questions that elicit detail. These are often “What?” questions.
For example, “What did you finally decide about relocating?” or
“What did you do on your trip to Mexico?” will usually stimulate detailed responses. Questions that don’t require detail, such as “How are your plans coming along?” and “How was your trip?” can be answered with a mere “Good, thanks.”
2. Ask open questions that require more than a Yes or No. These are the “Wh” and “H” questions beginning with What, Why, Where, and How. These work better than “closed questions” that limit the response, such as “Did you like the movie?” Instead, “What did you like about the movie?” draws out a more interesting and detailed response.
3. Ask some questions that are a little bit surprising or “edgy.” These are not meant to put the person on the hot seat, or to make them uncomfortable, but to stimulate and get a lively response instead of a routine response. “What’s the most exciting/challenging thing that’s happening with you at this time?” is such an edgy question. Predictable questions usually evoke predictable responses, such as “What did you learn in school today?” “Oh, not much.”
4. Use some “If?” questions such as “If you had the means to
pursue your dream occupation, what would it be?” Or “If you could have dinner with a famous person, whom would you choose?” Such questions break out of the routine and add some fresh energy to the conversation. By the way, don’t ask others any question you yourself would not want to be asked. Also, be prepared to answer the very “If?” questions you ask. The other converser may say, “Let me think about that for a minute. Meanwhile, you go first.”
Also
1. Always say what you think, not what you think others
want you to say. Especially in a professional setting,
learning to express your views and ideas in a positive,
non-threatening manner will invite reactions and responses.
Effective leaders always say what they are thinking and
express their ideas freely. Having the courage to speak
your mind as well as listening openly to the views and
ideas of others is a sure way to earn the respect and
admiration of all those you encounter.
