so basically this yr was hell for me (junior yr of high school) and it was just worse because not only I had expectations as a student, but I had to live up to parents’ expectations(feel like I can’t fun like the other teenagers), and I felt like I had no life and at one point I felt depressed and had suicidal thoughts. but now I reflect back and had a talk with kids from a different school from my county, i feel so lucky. They have so much workload, like kids with 5 honors classes in that Charter high school get 5 hours of sleep just b/c of the hw load, like the earliest mininum bedtime they could get is at 10 at night. Not only that but their teachers are strict, and when I mean strict I mean, if the students are late to the class, the students get a “Detention” or if a student turns in a project late, like a day, b/c the student has something going on, u get a bad grade (A 0 i believe?) and if ur lucky, u get half credit. And if ur interested in doing sports, u better forget it b/c the training can be as long as 4 hours, along with training during the breaks and during the summer (and I mean the teacher is not reasonable just because u have an extracurricular activity) and there was this even this one intelligent student that used to be a Straight-A student and only had one ‘B’ in the quarter and after football training, his grades went spiraling downward and he was almost about to cry…..these words made me embrace the life that I’m living and look for the silver lining and the quote: “Every cloud has a silver lining”. This not only applies to academic stress but also love, I had a crush on my teacher’s son ever since sophomore year and like this year, it has blossomed into a serious crush and I just wanted to be his gf, problem was was that I’m not allowed to date till college or preferably 2nd yr of college yr….but to be able to talk to him as a friend is so dang hard, I used to be just an acquaintance. I was so self-conscious and be jealous when he would hang out and mess around with an acquaintance because I thought she was so pretty and talented on the violin and also I would overanalyzed just the simple conversation that I would have, and no matter how hard I would TRY and DISCIPLINED myself, they were times when I couldn’t concentrate in my classes, and just doing hw. I would be so tempted to ask him out myself when I wasn’t allowed to…but I held onto to my dear life because on the last day, he admitted to me that he would miss me. All my insecurites just vanished :) and I felt like I just approached the ray of sunshine 2 years ago
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